465: Silverware
Molly Wizenberg:
I'm Molly.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
And I'm Matthew.
Molly Wizenberg:
And this is Spilled Milk, the show where we cook something delicious, eat it all, and sometimes talk about the tools we use to eat it with.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
That's been our slogan since time immemorial. And today we're talking about silverware or if you prefer cutlery because apparently some people do not agree that it should be called silverware unless it's actually made of silver.
Molly Wizenberg:
Oh, this is interesting. Okay, I want to come back to this but first-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Believe me, we're going to come back to this. I have a special surprise interview to share.
Molly Wizenberg:
Okay, wow. But first of all, I'd like to wish everyone in the US a happy Thanksgiving. Happy US Thanksgiving.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I'd like to tell everyone else to suck it.
Molly Wizenberg:
Really?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
No. But happy Thanksgiving to everybody.
Molly Wizenberg:
Happy Thanksgiving to everybody. Oh my god, Matthew, I don't know if I should admit this or not but yesterday I checked the mail, I'm going to admit that, and I had two FedEx flat rate envelopes. One addressed to me and one addressed to June and they were from my uncle by marriage, one of my uncles by marriage, okay? And I opened it up and he's been geeking out on genealogy and specifically his genealogy in relation to the people who sailed on the Mayflower. And he has looked up everyone he could think of, I think, at least that includes me and my daughter to see which of us are descended from Mayflower people. I think there's something like 25,000,0000 descendants of Mayflower people.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Oh wow, those pilgrims really knew how to fuck.
Molly Wizenberg:
Right? Especially given that there were only 132 people on the ship. But anyway, I found out that I'm the ninth, 10th, and 11th great grandchild of four different Mayflower people. And I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this. Am I supposed to be proud?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Yeah, I'm not sure myself.
Molly Wizenberg:
I don't know.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Remember when we watched the movie Indecent Proposal for our spinoff podcast, Dire Desires, and we kept talking about how Robert Redford had a fuck boat stationed in international waters?
Molly Wizenberg:
Yes.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I think what we've just learned from this is that the Mayflower was possibly-
Molly Wizenberg:
Was a fuck boat-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
The original fuck boat-
Molly Wizenberg:
In international waters.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Yes.
Molly Wizenberg:
Yes.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
They set sail with 130 people and by the time they arrived at Plymouth Rock, there were 26,000,000 people on the boat. That's how much of a fuck boat it was. That's why the boat sank.
Molly Wizenberg:
Yeah. I guess what it means is... well, I don't know what it means. But anyway, happy US Thanksgiving.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
What it means is, I mean, I feel like the thing that you're not admitting is that you were disappointed when you opened this FedEx envelope from an uncle and it didn't have a check for 50 bucks in it.
Molly Wizenberg:
A check in it.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Right?
Molly Wizenberg:
Yeah. I was a little bit disappointed. I thought, "Oh, look, it's an early Christmas present." I actually thought that maybe he and his wife had decided to send out their annual Christmas card this year in a really fancy envelope.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Oh yeah, like, "We need to get this to you ASAP."
Molly Wizenberg:
Yeah.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I'm expecting a FedEx package today, it's some mixed nuts from Target, I'm very excited for that.
Molly Wizenberg:
Oh, I'm expecting some vitamin D from Pharmaca. I just had my annual physical, Matthew.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
They always tell me to take vitamin D but do I do it? Never.
Molly Wizenberg:
Well I had to have a blood test. And I'm low on vitamin D and I'm a little bit anemic, Matthew.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Are you taking some iron too?
Molly Wizenberg:
I'm supposed to take iron three to four days a week. So anyway, welcome to aging with Matthew and Molly.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Speaking of iron, let's talk about silverware. Good segue, huh?
Molly Wizenberg:
That was a really good one. I was taking a drink of water while you said it which is why I was like, "Hmm."
Matthew Amster-Burton:
So should we start with memory lane?
Molly Wizenberg:
Yeah. Take it away.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I don't remember having special silverware when I was growing up. I just remember boring but fine, probably Oneida stainless silverware and I don't even remember the pattern honestly. I guess I just wasn't that into silverware as a child.
Molly Wizenberg:
That's surprising. It's interesting, I wonder if there is anyone who was born, say, in the late '70s through '80s who can't picture how the word Oneida is written. It's the kind of brand like Kleenex or something that just would sort of appear in front of your face and you wouldn't take notice of it but it was a part of your childhood.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Kleenex just appears in front of your face?
Molly Wizenberg:
Yes, and sometimes you blow-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Someone just holds it up-
Molly Wizenberg:
You nose in it.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Every time you need to blow your nose?
Molly Wizenberg:
Yeah. No, that totally makes sense. I think of Oneida silverware as well as being ubiquitous in my childhood. I actually don't know who made my parent's silverware.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Probably a silversmith, maybe Johnny Tremain?
Molly Wizenberg:
Anyway, who's Johnny Tremain?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Johnny Tremain is the star of the book JohnnY Tremain, a ripping tale of Revolutionary War hi jinx.
Molly Wizenberg:
Is it for children?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
It's for children.
Molly Wizenberg:
Okay. We're stuck on Percy Jackson right now.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Oh, a teenager on the show Iris has been rereading Percy Jackson.
Molly Wizenberg:
It's pretty fun.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Yeah, we should have a book club.
Molly Wizenberg:
We should. Anyway, okay, hold on. It's my turn for memory lane. Okay, so I do remember the silverware pattern, I guess, silver plate, whatever it was that my parents had when I was growing up. And my mother still uses it. My mom still has it.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Oh yeah, that's great.
Molly Wizenberg:
Anyway, and then my dad was, in addition to being the inventor of Altoids and being an endive man, my dad was also an estate sale man.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Of course.
Molly Wizenberg:
And a garage sale man.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
My mom was definitely a garage stale... garage sale. Garage stale is when it's the third day of the garage sale and it is picked over and there is just like a dirty hat left. But yeah, I really got the message when I was young that a garage sale is fine but an estate sale is where you get the good shit.
Molly Wizenberg:
Yeah. So my dad at some point, I think when I was in college, he went to a garage sale or an estate sale or something and found a gallon sized Ziploc bag filled with this really nice Scandinavian silverware made my Georg Jensen.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
The Georg Jensen, et cetera.
Molly Wizenberg:
It was a Scandinavian designer. I should have looked up exactly what country Georg Jensen designed stuff in. But anyway-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Well, in the future-
Molly Wizenberg:
So I remember heading off to grad school with this Ziploc baggie of what turned out to be nice, probably Danish, silverware in it.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Someone had written on the bag with a Sharpie, "Probably Danish."
Molly Wizenberg:
Anyway, so yeah, I still use that. And it is mixed in with some silverware that Brandon bought on eBay for Delancey.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Sure, that sounds like the kind of thing he would do.
Molly Wizenberg:
Yes. When we were opening Delancey, he would buy entire boxes of silverware, like nice vintage or antique stuff, on eBay for a bulk price and it arrived and we would have to clean all the years of age of off it. And anyway, yeah, I remember boxes showing up filled with nasty old silverware. And anyway, I still use some of that stuff. So I've got kind of this weird mix of this super modern Scandinavian stuff that my dad found for me somewhere and then stuff from eBay and anyway I really like having mismatched silverware.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
That is so interesting.
Molly Wizenberg:
Do you feel strongly about having a set of silverware?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I'm going to answer your question but first I want to know what about the design makes something super modern Scandinavian silverware? Because I can't actually picture that.
Molly Wizenberg:
Oh, well it's got very clean lines. I think that it might be stainless, it never tarnishes, it's got very, very clean lines, no ornamentation, no floral swoopies, no pattern on it. As opposed to a lot of the stuff we got for Delancey which looks more like stuff you would find in like a flee market in a another country.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Okay. So to answer your question, I don't think I really realized this until just now. I do feel strongly about having matched silverware.
Molly Wizenberg:
Really?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
We don't have matched drinking glasses, that doesn't bother me. We talked about napkins last time, that like we always have dinner with three different cloth napkins, I'm fine with that. I don't even care about having matched socks but I would feel weird setting out mismatched silverware.
Molly Wizenberg:
That's so interesting. So yeah, at my house, we have mismatched-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Why do I care?
Molly Wizenberg:
I don't know. I mean, when I was growing up, we did not have mismatched silverware, all the spoons were the same pattern. It was one big set, right? And the same thing went for my mothers tableware, all her plates and bowls-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Yeah, our plates don't even match. They're all kind of big-ish, white plates but they're not all the same design.
Molly Wizenberg:
Yeah, it's interesting. As an adult, it has never been important to me to have stuff that matches. It's just important to me that I like all of it.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
That makes sense.
Molly Wizenberg:
And that's the thing for me. So yeah, none of the things that are on my table match.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I have a bunch of other questions about what silverware you have today and how you use it but I want to get into a little bit of a history of silverware first.
Molly Wizenberg:
Can I give the history of my history really quick?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Give the history of your history. We already know it goes back to the Mayflower.
Molly Wizenberg:
Well my grandmother, my maternal grandmother... on whose side? This Mayflower stuff went on. Oh here we go, news flash, descendant of the Mayflower people used to steal cutlery off of airplanes. My grandmother loved to take home... she thought it was like very cute and silly as only like a cute, older white lady can do to steal something.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Right, yeah. I know the type, the criminal type.
Molly Wizenberg:
The criminal type who could actually get away with it. Yeah, so she had in her silverware drawer, which I remember being mismatched, she had a bunch of little forks and little knives and stuff from like TWA in the '80s.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Yeah, now [crosstalk 00:11:19]-
Molly Wizenberg:
And this was something she was known to do.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
But that stuff isn't good.
Molly Wizenberg:
It's not good. I don't know what... but like we all-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
It's just like the thrill of the kleptomania, right?
Molly Wizenberg:
Yes, yes. I guess. But yeah, I mean, I still remember learning this as a child that my grandmother had stolen these things off of airplanes. And the little giggle that would go through the room when we-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I'm bad, I need to be spanked. Your grandmother's classic saying.
Molly Wizenberg:
That's what she was like.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
All right. So yeah, I don't think we have any stolen silverware at the moment. But I don't know, maybe.
Molly Wizenberg:
Anyway, all right. So...
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I'm sure there's some crime in my family background but I'm not sure what kind.
Molly Wizenberg:
Do you remember when there used to be actual cutlery on airplanes?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I do. And I feel like I've run across it fairly recently like maybe on an international flight and to be clear, I'm not talking like business class or something I can't afford. So I don't think it's totally gone away.
Molly Wizenberg:
Yeah, they were always-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
But I don't know because I didn't steal it.
Molly Wizenberg:
Oh, well next time.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Yeah. The next time I get on a plane I'm going to really make it count by stealing the silverware even if it's plastic.
Molly Wizenberg:
Great. Okay, go on.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Okay. You ready to dig into some history?
Molly Wizenberg:
I'm ready.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Okay, so according to Wikipedia, cutlery includes any hand implement used in preparing, serving, and especially eating food in western culture. A person who makes or sells cutlery is called a cutler. The major items of cutlery in western culture are the knife, fork, and spoon. And I realized as I was doing this that I could go down like a big rabbit hole figuring out what's the history of the knife, what's the history of the fork, what's the history of the spoon? But what we're really talking here is industrial produced sets of silverware or cutlery that anyone can afford.
Molly Wizenberg:
And did you, at any point in doing your research, were you tempted to do the major items of cutlery in non western cultures?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I was thinking about that also and then I decided, no, we will do a chopsticks episode but this is just going to be about forks, spoons, and knives that you eat with.
Molly Wizenberg:
Great, okay, carry on.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Okay. These three implements first appeared together on tables in Britain in the Georgian era. And I was like, "Okay, what's the Georgian era?" I know that's like old timey England. Did you know that it's called the Georgian era because there were four kind Georges? I didn't.
Molly Wizenberg:
During the Georgian era?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
During the Georgian area... era.
Molly Wizenberg:
Area?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
That's what they called the palace, the Georgian area because there were so many Georges. There was George the first, second, third, and sometimes fourth.
Molly Wizenberg:
Wow.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
George the fourth was the reagent. So if you've heard of the Regency era, that was him.
Molly Wizenberg:
Wow, okay. I wonder why they just kept using the same name? Was there something that was keeping them from using their creative naming skills?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
For like what?
Molly Wizenberg:
For each other?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Oh, no. I think even now if you become the king or the pope or something, you have to have a boring name.
Molly Wizenberg:
Or I was thinking about this the other day, I went down a little bit of a rabbit hole looking into the Biden family like-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Oh, I have a story about this. Go ahead.
Molly Wizenberg:
Anyway, but yeah, I guess it's all related to like Beau Biden's real name was Joseph R. Biden the third or whatever. I guess, yeah, if you're a fancy guy, you're going to want to give your son your name on and on into infinity.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Yeah, were you tempted to make June the second?
Molly Wizenberg:
Yeah. I was tempted to. Yeah, but then it was confusing because Molly's not my legal name.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
That's true.
Molly Wizenberg:
So then it was like, "Do I call her Molly Wizenberg Jr? Should I give her my legal name?"
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I think Molly Wizenberg Jr is pretty cute. I think it's not too late.
Molly Wizenberg:
Well that's where we came up with the name June.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Oh it's short for junior, of course. I knew that.
Molly Wizenberg:
Yeah, okay.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
So there is a mayor of a small town in Kumamoto Prefecture in Japan who is blowing up on Japanese social media lately because you can very easily read the characters of his name as Jo Baiden.
Molly Wizenberg:
Wait, what?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
So that's not his name but as you know Kanji in Japanese can be read many different ways. And if you look at this guy's name, a very natural reading for it would be, first name or given name, Jo and family name Baiden.
Molly Wizenberg:
Baiden, oh my god.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
To be clear, that's not actually his name but people in Japan love to play around with that, word play is huge in Japanese culture so as soon as someone noticed this it's like, "Oh, they got mayor Jo Baiden."
Molly Wizenberg:
That's adorable.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Yes, it's cute.
Molly Wizenberg:
I didn't know that word play was huge in-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Oh yes. There's also a town in Japan called Obama.
Molly Wizenberg:
I love that.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Okay, so let's go back to the history of cutlery, shall we?
Molly Wizenberg:
Yeah.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
So the center of cutlery production in England was, and remains, the town of Sheffield in Yorkshire. Well I'll get to this in a minute because I have, exclusive to Spilled Milk, teenager the show Iris has a friend who lives in Sheffield. I'm not going to use their name, so it's an anonymous teenager of Sheffield but I did get permission to quote from a conversation that they had with teenager the show Iris about cutlery in Sheffield, are you ready for this?
Molly Wizenberg:
Oh my god, I'm ready for this.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
This is from an actual person from Sheffield, "Stainless steel was invented here and most of the cutlery in the country came from here. The name Sheffield has become synonymous with quality steel and that legacy is maintained for so long that now you must ask permission from the master cutler, the head of the cutler's guild, to have the label made in Sheffield put on any kind of product regardless of what it is." And then they go on to say, "The best quality scalpels are still made here by the brand Swan Morton." And finally, "I was briefly in a thing at secondary school that was an engineering program run by the cutler's guild and we met the master cutler and went into cutler's hall sometimes."
Molly Wizenberg:
Wait a minute, how did you obtain this quote?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I mentioned to Teenager: The Show Iris that I was working on a silverware episode and that silverware is from Sheffield and they were like, "Oh my friend's from Sheffield." So Sheffield is huge in the history of stainless steel and of cutlery. I don't know what this means exactly but I had to read this sentence from Wikipedia because I got a little bit into the history of stainless steel and this just struck me as like one of my favorite sentences that I've ever heard. Are you ready?
Molly Wizenberg:
Yeah. I'm ready.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
In 1818 to '19, David [Mushett 00:18:30] built a foundry named Dark Hill Ironworks in the Forest of Dean.
Molly Wizenberg:
Oh my god, Matthew.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Isn't that incredible?
Molly Wizenberg:
I think that you need to use that as the first sentence of a short story.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Yes, of course or like a novel. A novel set in the Industrial Revolution.
Molly Wizenberg:
Yes.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
A real Johnny Tremain type of thing.
Molly Wizenberg:
I'm still not remembering who Johnny Tremain is.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I know, but he's going to come back.
Molly Wizenberg:
It's the Percy Jackson guy.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Yeah. He was an American Revolutionary period metallurgist who learned that he was a Greek god.
Molly Wizenberg:
Oh good. Did he have a friend who was a Seder?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
He had a friend who was a Seder and invited him for a passover meal.
Molly Wizenberg:
Oh love this story. Okay.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Okay. Let's read some more history from Wikipedia because I love this, okay. Are you ready? This is also going to go into the story. Oh, I forgot to mention there is a train, to this day, train service that runs from Sheffield to London called the Master Cutler.
Molly Wizenberg:
God, that's great.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
At Sheffield, the train of cutler became divided with allied trade such as razor maker, all blade smith, shear smith, and fork maker emerging and becoming distinct trades by the 18th century.
Molly Wizenberg:
I love the specificity of this.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
You can order business cards with anything you want printed on them.
Molly Wizenberg:
Shear smith, so would that be somebody who makes scissors or-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Yeah.
Molly Wizenberg:
Okay, wow.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I was just going to say, my business card is going to say All Blade Smith, do I know what that is? Nope.
Molly Wizenberg:
Are you going to spell it A-W-L or A-L-L?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
It's A-W-L.
Molly Wizenberg:
Okay.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
No, maybe I'll spell it A-L-L because I make all blades, blade smith.
Molly Wizenberg:
Aw yeah. Matthew, tell me what happened in 1913.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
In 1913 the British metallurgist Harry Brearly discovered stainless steel by chance, bringing affordable cutlery to the masses. This medal has come to be the predominant one used in cutlery. And alternative is melchior, erosion resistant nickel and copper alloy which can also sometimes contain manganese and nickel iron. Which are you more partial to stainless steel or melchior for your cutlery?
Molly Wizenberg:
When you say melchior, it-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
It's one of the three wise men, right?
Molly Wizenberg:
It keeps reminding me of Muscle Milk.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Which we've been asked to do an episode on a number of times. We probably should.
Molly Wizenberg:
We have?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Yeah.
Molly Wizenberg:
Oh no, even the name of it... I'm somebody who really struggles with drinking milk, so the idea of-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Melchior, yeah.
Molly Wizenberg:
Muscle Milk is... even though I know it's not milk nor is it muscle, it's hard for me.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Yeah, no, it sounds gross but I would try it for an episode just because I love the listeners.
Molly Wizenberg:
I don't.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I would ride the Mayflower with them.
Molly Wizenberg:
So there's stainless, there's silver plate, then there's, for the fancy people, there's like sterling-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Sterling silver. So sterling silver is just solid silver. So it's a fairly expensive metal. It's not like gold but pretty expensive. There's silver plate so looks like silver but is silver plated steel. And there's stainless steel which, by far, the most common material for cutlery silverware these days. And then apparently there's melchior which I've never heard of and possibly never seen.
Molly Wizenberg:
So I know that if you have sterling, you have to polish it. Does silver plate have to be polished?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I believe so.
Molly Wizenberg:
It does. It can tarnish, right?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Yeah. No, I think the whole point of these things... it's like one of these things like a cool looking car that breaks down all the time where the point is, "I can afford this and I can afford the upkeep on it." And finally Oneida silverware, the leading brand in the US grew out of the Oneida community which was sort of a free love commune in upstate New York in the 19th century. And there's an excellent Planet Money episode about the history of the Oneida community which we will link to in the show notes.
Molly Wizenberg:
Fun, okay.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
So that's it for the history of silverware. And then people just started like they would order a fork from their local fork maker and just get down to forking. Do you have special occasion silverware or do you only have like one stock of silverware?
Molly Wizenberg:
So I've got the silverware that lives in my kitchen and then-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Okay, yeah. I wanted to talk about this.
Molly Wizenberg:
What about it?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Well is the silverware that lives in your kitchen separate from the silverware that you use at the table?
Molly Wizenberg:
No. You have a jar on the counter of silverware that you use for cooking, like tasting-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
That's right. At this point I've-
Molly Wizenberg:
Spoons and stuff like that.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Almost forgotten that you've been in my kitchen. I thought you were just my internet friend. But yes, I realized some many years ago now that like when I was in the kitchen, my silverware stock for setting the table is like 10 feet from the kitchen. And when I was in the kitchen, I was always wanting a fork to taste something or a spoon or a butter knife to spread peanut butter on a piece of toast that I toasted in the kitchen. And I could just buy some silverware to be my kitchen only silverware and I did.
Molly Wizenberg:
This is so interesting to me because your kitchen is technically smaller than mine.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Yeah, technically in the sense that it is smaller.
Molly Wizenberg:
Well I also removed a part of the countertop in my kitchen so that I didn't feel... because you used to have to pass through-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Like a series of tests?
Molly Wizenberg:
Yeah. It was totally like American Gladiator to get in and out of my kitchen.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Oh god, I love American Gladiators.
Molly Wizenberg:
No, there used to be a one foot wide space between the refrigerator and this part of the counter where the stove sat. I don't know if you remember coming... actually around the time that June was born, that was still there. My kitchen was this-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Yeah, I don't really remember that.
Molly Wizenberg:
Very small little square that you had to kind of squeeze yourself into. And then we cut out that part of the counter so that the kitchen, you could actually enter it without bruising your hip. Anyway, but it's interesting to me that you have your silverware technically in the dining room.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Yeah. Well, I mean, that's true-
Molly Wizenberg:
Because your kitchen and dining room are separated.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Because the plates are in the kitchen.
Molly Wizenberg:
Yeah. And to be clear, your kitchen and dining room are basically one room but that are sort of divide by a partial countertop that's got a sink in it.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Right. There's no good reason for any of this. I think there's like no drawer in the kitchen that would have made a good silverware drawer.
Molly Wizenberg:
That's true. You guys have... I was about to say-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I mean, but why?
Molly Wizenberg:
You have fewer drawers than I do but you don't actually. I only have four-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Yeah, we have five drawers, I think.
Molly Wizenberg:
Anyway, that's really interesting. Yeah, no, my silverware lives in the kitchen despite the fact that we... our table where we eat is technically outside the kitchen.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
It's exactly the opposite of my arrangement. This is so interesting.
Molly Wizenberg:
So you've got one of those sort of like plastic trays which compartments where you keep your silverware, right?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Yeah.
Molly Wizenberg:
Okay. Well I have one of those too but mine's in a drawer. And there's like a part of me that doesn't want to leave it sitting out because there's dust and stuff and I feel like that little tray gets dirty enough as it is even sitting in a drawer. I don't know how it gets dirty.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
It does. Do you have the experience that if you're visiting someone else's house or staying an Airbnb or something that it seems like you have to open seven drawers before you find the silverware drawer every time?
Molly Wizenberg:
Yeah, it's interesting how-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Isn't that weird?
Molly Wizenberg:
I remember in my house growing up, the silverware drawer was very intuitive. It was the top drawer.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Well it was intuitive to you because it was your house.
Molly Wizenberg:
Anyways, it was the top drawer-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I'm going to switch my underwear drawer and the silverware drawer and to see what happens.
Molly Wizenberg:
That's great. I mean, that's no less convenient than your current set up, is it?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
That's right. No, and if I need to change my underwear in the kitchen, I'd be ready to roll.
Molly Wizenberg:
Anyway, okay. But to get back to your question, do I have special silverware. So I feel weird admitting this because I'm sure this is a marker of the social class that I was born into. But yeah, when Brandon and I got married, my mother wanted to give us a set of "good silver." And she wound up buying it... so my mom is a fitness instructor and she wound up buying it, I think, from a client. Sort of like an inside job [crosstalk 00:27:30]-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
It sounds like a real inside job.
Molly Wizenberg:
So yeah, I have it, it came in this wooden box that's lined with that pacific cloth stuff that silver cloth that keeps it from tarnishing, you know?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
No, I don't know what this at all.
Molly Wizenberg:
Oh, it feels almost like a microfiber cloth. Anyway, I've never used it and I've had it for 13 years.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I was going to ask who do you bring it out for? Because I've been to your house and I never got the good silverware.
Molly Wizenberg:
I have never used it, ever. It's a really like over the top ornate pattern. It's nothing I would ever choose but I could kind of appreciate it in its over the topness. You would never look at it and think, "Oh Molly picked this out."
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Okay, next time I'm allowed to come to your house, maybe like mid next year, I want you to invite me over and serve me some like Stouffer's french bread pizza with the good silverware.
Molly Wizenberg:
With the good silver. Anyway, yeah, but I don't know if this is something that people still...
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I think a lot of people still have the special silverware that never gets used. And I think a lot of people still have special wine glasses that almost never get used.
Molly Wizenberg:
Oh, I use the special wine glasses and we break them all the time. Oh my god, it's constant. But what I was going to say, Matthew, is I've even sort of crossed over into being of the age that I have hosted holidays and things like that. But still it never occurs to me to get out the silver. I don't know.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Do you think if your mom is listening to this episode that she's going to be disappointed, do you [crosstalk 00:29:10]-
Molly Wizenberg:
No, she knows how I feel about the silver. She knows that it is over the top, she knows I appreciate the over the topness of it. I'm sure that some day when I do get it out and use it, it's going to be really fun and I just need to... We're not traveling for Christmas this year, maybe I'll bust it out and use it on Christmas.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Okay. Can we get a picture of the fancy silverware?
Molly Wizenberg:
Maybe.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Okay.
Molly Wizenberg:
Maybe. I feel-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
[crosstalk 00:29:33] people, maybe.
Molly Wizenberg:
A little bit embarrassed. I mean, I know-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I understand.
Molly Wizenberg:
Yeah, anyway.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
But I mean, I have special silverware only for the kitchen. You know the funny thing, and this is very funny, is that I think I actually like he kitchen silverware better than the good silverware, the good-ish silverware that we keep in the dining room.
Molly Wizenberg:
Well so you picked out the kitchen silverware. Who picked out the dining ware silverware?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Oh wife of the show Lori and I picked it out together and it's fine. It's got a frosted ski jump design on the handles.
Molly Wizenberg:
Oh I remember it, it's a little swoopy isn't it?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
It's a little swoopy, yeah.
Molly Wizenberg:
Did you pick it out in 1996 when you got married?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
No. We actually had a previous silverware that we ended up... the one that we picked out when we got married that we ended up giving away after a while because it was kind of flimsy and so we wanted something more sturdy.
Molly Wizenberg:
When you got married, you guys, again, for all the listeners who don't remember, you guys were quite young. But did you get any of that fancy stuff? Was that a part of the expectation in the Amster or Burton families?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I don't remember getting any fancy stuff. I think we got a lot of practical stuff. I think there are still some wedding gifts that are still kicking around that we still use. Like we've got these blue glass bowls that are just like the most plain mixing bowls that are like dishwasher and microwave safe and-
Molly Wizenberg:
I've seen those.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Right, right. That are kind of unbreakable. I think those may have been wedding presents.
Molly Wizenberg:
You know what? I have a set of four red bowls that are, I think, probably made by a similar company. They're sort of unbreakable.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
The Sheffield bowl works.
Molly Wizenberg:
Oh maybe that's it. Mine are like the size of a large cereal bowl, they're not mixing bowl size. But I remember I was given some sort of gift by a family friend when I graduated from college that was just a useless gift. I don't know, just god, it's so indicative of where I grew up and what mattered there. I think I was given some sort of dumb silver votive.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
What's a votive?
Molly Wizenberg:
Like a-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I know what a votive candle is.
Molly Wizenberg:
Holder for a small candle.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Okay, that makes sense now why they're called votive candles.
Molly Wizenberg:
Anyway. So I think I took it to the kitchenware store that I knew it had come from and I traded it in for four of these red glass bowls. And I still have them and June and Ash particularly love to use them to eat ramen.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Oh yeah, that sounds great.
Molly Wizenberg:
But I mean, it's really cool actually. I love having shit that I've had forever. So I've had these bowls now for like 20 years and that's deeply satisfying to me.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Oh by the way, after we talked recently about peelers, we got a new peeler because our old peeler had gotten really.. we'd had it for a long time and had gotten dull and using a brand new peeler to peel a carrot or a parsnip is so satisfying. It was-
Molly Wizenberg:
Did you get one of the 4.99 Y peeler ones from Kuhn Rikon or whatever?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
No, it's an OXO Good Grips.
Molly Wizenberg:
Okay. I love my... I'm probably pronouncing it wrong, Kuhn Rikon... how do you pronounce...
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I've never felt really comfortable using the Y peeler.
Molly Wizenberg:
Oh my god, I love it. And they're seriously like 4.99 and they last for a long-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Yeah. No, I know what you mean.
Molly Wizenberg:
I love them. Please, advertise on our show everybody.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Okay, I will.
Molly Wizenberg:
What about any sort of non fork, knife, spoon silverware items that you use? How do you feel about grapefruit spoons or like iced tea spoons?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I would call that a spoon. I would not put that in the non fork, knife, spoon category.
Molly Wizenberg:
but it's a special tool.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
But it [crosstalk 00:33:30]. No, I've-
Molly Wizenberg:
You wouldn't set it out in place of a spoon?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
You would if you were a prankster. Maybe on April 1st if you were a fun loving kind of person. I think I've used the grapefruit spoon once or twice but I don't know if we still have one and I'm capable of eating a grapefruit without it.
Molly Wizenberg:
You're also capable of saying grapefruit.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I am not.
Molly Wizenberg:
I know we've talked about grapefruit spoons before, maybe on a grapefruit episode. Brandon is a fan of the grapefruit spoon and actually when we divorced I gave him his grapefruit spoon.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Oh that's why it was so amicable.
Molly Wizenberg:
Yes. What I said was actually, "Take your grapefruit spoon and go." Like the end of Top Chef or whatever it is. I've never liked-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
And that's actually how you told him that you wanted to separate. Very surprising.
Molly Wizenberg:
Anyway, I don't like the feeling of grapefruit spoons in my mouth. So I don't use them. But I do have other kind of marginal silverware items that I use. Like I have a couple of... I don't even know how we got them, I think they came in like one of those big boxes of silverware from eBay, a couple of fish knives.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Oh what's that?
Molly Wizenberg:
Do you know what I mean by fish knives? They have kind of a funny shaped head, they're to shaped like a dinner knife or a table knife, they have a slightly different shaped blade.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Okay, wait. I have to interrupt because I just Googled fish knife because I wanted to know what it was and what came up was an article called, "Is the fish knife our most pretentious utensil? The fish knife is the epitome of gentility."
Molly Wizenberg:
Yeah, yeah. I know.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
This looks pretty nice.
Molly Wizenberg:
I'm fine with owning this aspect of my life. Matthew, yeah, so a couple of fish knives came in in that big box of stuff from eBay.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
It sounds like the start of a joke, a couple of fish knives went into a bar.
Molly Wizenberg:
Anyway. And I now use them primarily for things like... this morning, actually, I just used one to scoop some jam out of a jam jar. I like it better than a dinner knife because it's shorter, it's like... you know how a dinner knife, the handle has some weight to it, right?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Yes.
Molly Wizenberg:
Well a fish knife the handle is thinner and not has heavy so I can like leave it in the jam jar while I do something else and it's not going to tip the jar over.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Okay, I see what you mean.
Molly Wizenberg:
Anyway, so I've got a couple of those, I also-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I mean, I think leaving a knife sticking out of the jam jar does make you some kind of... it makes you enough of a barbarian that if offsets the fact that-
Molly Wizenberg:
That I have a couple fish knives?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Exactly.
Molly Wizenberg:
Does the fact that I got the fish knives as part of a bulk like old silverware purchase on eBay do anything to off-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Oh yeah, absolutely.
Molly Wizenberg:
Okay, great. Okay, other things that came in in that box of stuff were some iced tea spoons. Which I hate the feeling of in my mouth, they've got kind of sharp edges on the actual spoon. But-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Okay, that seems not great.
Molly Wizenberg:
I love them on the rare occasion that I make myself a cocktail at home.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Yes, agreed.
Molly Wizenberg:
Oh my god, they're great for stirring a cocktail on ice before straining it.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Yeah. It's just like a teaspoon-
Molly Wizenberg:
Love that.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
With a long handle, right?
Molly Wizenberg:
Yes.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Yeah, because I have an actual cocktail spoon, not to brag. But the iced tea spoon is better, I think.
Molly Wizenberg:
Yeah, I think I have maybe four iced tea spoons. Anyway-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I think I have one.
Molly Wizenberg:
I kind of love that I have all these random bits of silverware because of like having to weed things out when we were opening Delancey.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
We have, that came with our silverware set, a scalloped spoon that Lori told me is a sugar spoon. And it lives with the other spoons and is like when everything else is in the dishwasher, someone has to use the sugar spoon.
Molly Wizenberg:
I think I know what you mean. Is it scalloped all the way around or only on one side?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Well, it sort of like bulbs out-
Molly Wizenberg:
Oh I see it. It really is like a scallop shell.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
It is like a scallop shell.
Molly Wizenberg:
Okay, yeah. I'm seeing that, a sugar shell spoon.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Okay, I'm seeing this, this is not actually really the one we have. The one we have is like simpler than this and not as scallop shell-y. But that's the basic idea.
Molly Wizenberg:
I feel like there's also something called a fish spoon. Hold up. I'm going to look this up. Yes.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
You could say any-
Molly Wizenberg:
This is the weirdest looking thing-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Thing.
Molly Wizenberg:
This is the weirdest looking spoon. The fish spoon.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Okay, let's just have this be the rest of the show.
Molly Wizenberg:
Oh no, it's a french sauce spoon. There we go, a french sauce spoon or a saucier spoon. Whoa. I've always wondered what those were, I feel like I've seen them occasionally... I don't even know where I've seen these.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Let's have this be the rest of the show. And not just this episode but the rest of the entire run of Spilled Milk is like we say some word in front of a utensil and then Google to see what it looks like.
Molly Wizenberg:
Perfect. Wait, Matthew, I have some other like utensils I want to talk about.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
This saucier spoon is so fancy.
Molly Wizenberg:
Right?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Yes.
Molly Wizenberg:
Wait, I have some other things I want to talk about.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Please, go ahead.
Molly Wizenberg:
Okay, in our silverware compartment growing up, in our silverware... what do you call that? Like a divided tray that fits in a drawer, right?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Yeah. I call it a silverware tray.
Molly Wizenberg:
You know the one that sits at the back and runs horizontal where as the rest were vertical?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Yes, that's where we keep our spoons.
Molly Wizenberg:
Ah, okay. Well that's where my parents have always kept the random stuff. It's where I keep my fish knives, that's where I keep random tiny spoons. Like do you have any tiny, tiny spoons?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I think we do, yeah, like one or two.
Molly Wizenberg:
But my parents always had, back in that section, a couple of different knives with a wooden handle and not like steak knives with a wooden handle but like an unvarnished wooden handle and one was like definitely a butter spreader. It has kind of an oval blade to it.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Yep, we have one of those.
Molly Wizenberg:
I love that. My mom still has it and I love it.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I have never used it.
Molly Wizenberg:
Oh my god, I love it. Hers also had just the right amount... the blade was kind of flimsy like a boning knife, does that-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Yeah, I know what you mean.
Molly Wizenberg:
And so it was like really nice for spreading butter on something that was hot. God, it was great. But then she also had something that had a blade kind of more like a table knife, like a dull blade that was more the shape of a table knife. But it was shorter and smaller and on a kind of a plane wooden handle. And I always loved that too for butter. I love all these random little pieces of cutlery.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Yeah, I think the random things like I think it's cute that they exist and all but I never actually use them. Okay, so picture it, you're sitting down around the table with your family-
Molly Wizenberg:
I'm picturing it.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Which utensils do you use most and least like on average during meals?
Molly Wizenberg:
Okay, fork by far the most, I would say knife and spoon in that order.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Oh interesting. I think, for me, it's the opposite. It's fork, spoon, knife.
Molly Wizenberg:
I'm torn. There are certain meals, of course, where pretty much all we need is a spoon. But I think that the majority of the time, the knife goes ahead of the spoon because I like to use the knife too to scoot stuff onto the fork.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
That is a good point. I think I have some weird eating habits, is I think what we're going to get into. I think I-
Molly Wizenberg:
Well you definitely have weird napkin wadding habits.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I think everybody already knows this by now that I have some weird eating habits. But I almost never use a butter knife during a meal. I have noticed that I will-
Molly Wizenberg:
Wait, a butter knife? Do you mean table knife?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Table knife. You don't call that a butter knife?
Molly Wizenberg:
No. I call that a table knife or a dinner knife.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Oh, okay. Listeners, get in touch, okay? Find us on the Reddit, reddit.com/r/everythingspilledmilk or contact at spilledmilkpodcast.com, do you call it a table knife or a butter knife or something else?
Molly Wizenberg:
Or a dinner knife.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Or dinner knife. The dull knife that you set at the table with a fork and spoon.
Molly Wizenberg:
Okay. I can't wait to find out what people say.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I can't wait either-
Molly Wizenberg:
I'm on the edge of my seat.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Okay, so one thing I do that I should probably stop doing is I will definitely poke things onto my fork with my finger.
Molly Wizenberg:
Really?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Yeah.
Molly Wizenberg:
Instead of the knife?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I was raised by bears apparently.
Molly Wizenberg:
Huh, that's so interesting. Gosh, I've never noticed that about you.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Yeah, I don't think I do it a lot but I do do it.
Molly Wizenberg:
I definitely use the knife for that. Do you hold your knife and fork like the US way? Okay, if you're right handed, you will... and let's say you're eating steak, okay? You will hold the fork in your left hand, spear the meat, use your right hand to operate the knife, then you put the knife down and you switch hands and feed yourself with the fork in your right hand?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
That is exactly what I do, yes, on the rare occasions that I'm eating steak.
Molly Wizenberg:
I'm really fun to live with, I have occasionally challenged myself to see if I could do it the European way through an entire meal.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
And then everyone has to suffer through one of Molly's 30 day Euro challenges. Why don't you just move to Sheffield already?
Molly Wizenberg:
But I can't... I don't understand doing that with peas. I mean, for god's sake, like don't push stuff onto the back of the fork, that is just nonsense.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Wait, is that a thing?
Molly Wizenberg:
Oh god, yes. You know how there are things that you speak with the fork and then there are things that you use the fork to scoop up, right?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I guess [crosstalk 00:43:46] I have always assumed-
Molly Wizenberg:
Well things that they would use-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
That they would just use the dominant hand for the scooping.
Molly Wizenberg:
I have seen people... No, they don't usually switch hands. The fork lives in one hand. So therefor if you are scooping, you're scooping onto the back of the fork and you use the knife to push it up against gravity.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
So do people in England carry a fork in their dominant hand just most of the time?
Molly Wizenberg:
All the time.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
All the time.
Molly Wizenberg:
I mean, it's really tricky when they're trying to do something like carry a bag and go through like a subway turn style.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Or make love.
Molly Wizenberg:
Or make love. Yeah. But, it's-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
My advice is close your eyes and think of England but then open them because you're going to need to watch out for that fork.
Molly Wizenberg:
That is how the saying goes. Anyway, yeah, so I think that I sometimes keep the fork in my left hand if I'm spearing things. If it's a kind of meal where I'm spearing with the fork, I will keep it in my left hand and use the right hand to use the knife in like a scooping motion. But then there are other entire meals where I keep the fork in my right hand.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Okay. That makes sense.
Molly Wizenberg:
This is thrilling.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I'm now going to ask you a question that could cause a real schism. What do you use to eat cake or pie, a fork, a spoon, or something else?
Molly Wizenberg:
Big time fork. Absolutely no spoon, you wind up like smearing stuff. No, no, no. You wind up leaving smears of stuff on the spoon, I don't like that. I can understand maybe using a spoon for pie, maybe. But you can also use a fork for pie and you can still scrape every last little bit of it off the plate.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I don't like eating dessert with a fork. I'm a major spoon over user in general, I think.
Molly Wizenberg:
Gross.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
But I will cake with a spoon because I don't really how a fork feels in my mouth and a spoon is definitely the nicest of the cutlery to put in your mouth.
Molly Wizenberg:
No.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
And a fork just has kind of savory connotations to me.
Molly Wizenberg:
No, no. You're wrong.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
See, I told you there was going to be a schism.
Molly Wizenberg:
Wow. I had no idea how strongly I felt about this. Yeah, I don't...
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Yeah, my mom is totally with you and if she's made a dessert and invited us over and I ask for a spoon, she's like, "Who raised you?"
Molly Wizenberg:
That's so interesting. Okay, for instance, Matthew, if you guys have baked brownies, this is unrelated to silverware, but if you guys have baked brownies and you're going to eat brownies for dessert, do you want to eat the at room temperature or warm?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I want to eat a brownie out of the fridge if possible but otherwise room temperature.
Molly Wizenberg:
Okay. This is interesting. I was wondering if it was going to fall along the same lines.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
A chocolate chip cookie I would like warm. Not hot right out of the oven because then it's like soup. But warm.
Molly Wizenberg:
So yesterday, I went to the grocery store... So we're recording this in the second week of November here in Seattle, Washington. And I went to the grocery store around 4:00 PM yesterday and by the time I came out of the grocery store, which was not very long after, it was like dark outside. All of a sudden it's winter here. As I was in the grocery store feeling kind of chilled and feeling like it was 8:00 PM instead of 4:15 PM-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I know what you're talking about.
Molly Wizenberg:
I decided that what I needed was some brownie mix in order to make the day feel right. So I bought some Ghirardelli double chocolate brownie mix and I came home-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
That's the best one.
Molly Wizenberg:
Oh god, it was so good. I came home and mixed up a box of brownies while I was-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I think the schism is healed.
Molly Wizenberg:
Prepping the rest of dinner. Anyway, what I was going to say is that when it came time to eat the brownies later, I cut up the pan of brownies, took my brownie, put it on a little plate and ate it with a fork, okay? Ash took their brownie, put it in a shallow bowl, microwaved it, put ice cream on top of it, and ate it with a spoon. And I was like-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I can get behind that.
Molly Wizenberg:
No, no, no, no. I just don't think that's-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I don't love the brownie sundae concept. Will I eat it because it's a brownie and ice cream? Yes. But I would rather have either of those things separately. But the choice of utensil like if you're going to have a brownie sundae, spoon all the way.
Molly Wizenberg:
Okay, to be fair, I don't usually use cutlery when eating a brownie. I usually just-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Right, me either.
Molly Wizenberg:
Pick it up. But for some reason I decided to eat it on a plate with cutlery. What cutlery would you use in that instance?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
If I were eating a brownie off a plate with cutlery? A spoon.
Molly Wizenberg:
No.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Sorry.
Molly Wizenberg:
Okay, fine.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
The schism is... the beef has been-
Molly Wizenberg:
It's reopened.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Reopened. Okay, I have a question and then I have something I want to share and then probably we should wrap things up. What's going on lately in Animal Crossing?
Molly Wizenberg:
Oh okay. So here's a hot tip for anybody who's listening to this early in the day on US Thanksgiving, June told me that a moose is doing a cooking demonstration on Thanksgiving on Animal Crossing. And she's excited about it.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Do you need tickets? How do you know how to get to the moose cooking [crosstalk 00:49:08]-
Molly Wizenberg:
I don't really know. There were fireworks on the 4th of July and she was excited about that but then said that they were underwhelming. So I don't know how she finds these things. I don't know how she learns about it. Anyway, but yeah, everybody, don't miss that moose cooking demo today.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Yeah, hop in like right now. Again, this is a game I've never played but go to the moose area and watch that cooking... What do you think a moose would cook? Do you think chocolate mousse?
Molly Wizenberg:
Well, I wonder since it's Thanksgiving what it's going to cook. If it's going to be Thanksgiving themed or-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Yeah, that's true. What's a traditional moose Thanksgiving?
Molly Wizenberg:
Is it going to be like moose puns? Is it going to make a turkey mousse, a chocolate mousse, a stuffing mousse?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I think it's going to be moose puns. Okay, so that's our-
Molly Wizenberg:
That's our Animal Crossing segment.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I want to propose a new segment. It's what are the cute animals right now? As you may now on the internet there are cute animal videos and watching them can be very soothing when you're stressed out. So-
Molly Wizenberg:
Like fat bear week.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Like fat bear week, exactly. So now that I've watched a couple of them, now YouTube is recommending me all sorts of cute animal videos, so now I am equipped to let you know which are the cutest animals and which are the cute animals you need to watch now. Okay?
Molly Wizenberg:
Okay, tell us.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
So this is an informational segment. So first up, capybaras. Capybaras are big right now and they take baths and they eat things like-
Molly Wizenberg:
Oh my god, I'm going to Google it.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
A bunch of capybaras will swarm a watermelon and eat it with lots and lots of chewing and crunching. Highly recommend it.
Molly Wizenberg:
Oh my god, they are so-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Capybaras are big, friendly rodents.
Molly Wizenberg:
Oh my god, they're so cute. Their noses really look like a lot like guinea pigs.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I think they're closely related.
Molly Wizenberg:
Oh my god, I love them. Did you know that we've had a little guinea pig change up here at our household?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I didn't know that, what's going on. This is real life, not Animal Crossing, right?
Molly Wizenberg:
This is not Animal Crossing. We had two guinea pigs, Ron and Albie, and Ron and Albie they just resisted our efforts to tame them.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Oh, was there a schism?
Molly Wizenberg:
There was a schism between them and us. We loved them but they never loved us.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Oh so are you sure you didn't accidentally get cats?
Molly Wizenberg:
No. We had guinea pigs. Also they're so much work. Oh my god, so much work. The amount of cleaning they require, they smelled much more than we expected them to. Anyway, however Ash is a real animal lover in general. I think of myself as an animal lover, but Ash is a real animal lover. And Ash went to Petco one day to get more hay for the guinea pigs and saw that they had a guinea pig in a tiny cage at Petco.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Okay, and just had to rescue it?
Molly Wizenberg:
And Ash let the manager really have it. And the manager was quickly like, "Oh, oh, well we're no longer selling that guinea pig. We're giving it away, we're putting up for adoption. We feel sad about it too." So anyway, Ash could not get this guinea big out of their mind and they wound up basically rescuing this guinea pig from Petco for free. Brought him home, his name is Percy, after Percy Jackson. And so guinea pigs are herd animals, they're not supposed to be very happy as solo pets and if you have one solo, you must spend a lot of time with it and provide it a lot of attention and care. But Percy turned out to be the guinea pig of our dreams. So we wound up actually returning Ron and Albie to the woman who raised them and who lives on a farm and is a major guinea pig fan.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Okay, that's good.
Molly Wizenberg:
Now we have one guinea pig who receives a wild amount of attention and love. He is the guinea pig we were always looking for and-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
And spoiler alert, is going to turn out to be descended from the Greek god Poseidon.
Molly Wizenberg:
Yes. Anyway-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Does he like baths?
Molly Wizenberg:
He's so cute. And he loves us.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Can you post a guinea pig picture?
Molly Wizenberg:
I'll send you a...
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Send me a guinea pig picture.
Molly Wizenberg:
I'll send you an [inaudible 00:53:44] guinea pig picture and you can maybe find a way to post it. I feel bad admitting that we have a single guinea pig because I think a lot of guinea pig fans won't feel good about that. But we give this dude so much attention and care and he has changed so much since we brought him home, he has really come out of his shell and I'm really happy for all of us.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
If it has a shell, you may have gotten a lobster.
Molly Wizenberg:
But his claws are so non pincher-y... pincer.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Okay. But I wasn't finished... I agree that-
Molly Wizenberg:
The capybaras.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Guinea pigs belong in the segment, what are the cute animals you need to know. We can just call it the cute animals you need to know. That's pretty snappy, right?
Molly Wizenberg:
Yeah.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
So capybaras, yes, guinea pigs, yes. I got two more and there'll be further updates as events warrant. You need to know about baby stoats. A stoat is the kind of weasel that the babies look like a cartoon weasel. Go on to YouTube and search for Whisper the stoat because there's a baby stoat that you need to meet. And in one of the videos, there's like a title card that says Whisper the stoat is getting stronger. And we've been-
Molly Wizenberg:
How do you spell stoat?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
S-T-O-A-T.
Molly Wizenberg:
Whisper.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
So we've been saying around the house, "Whisper the stoat is getting stronger," at every possible opportunity, finally.
Molly Wizenberg:
Oh my god.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Another cute animal you need to know.
Molly Wizenberg:
He's got a real meerkat vibe.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Right? Yeah.
Molly Wizenberg:
Also a ferret vibe, a real ferret vibe.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Yeah. I mean, stoats and ferrets are both kinds of weasels, I'm not sure about meerkats. I'm not sure about these meerkats.
Molly Wizenberg:
Okay, I prefer capybaras.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Okay, next and finally for this segment but this segment is for sure going to be back, baby beavers. So search for Point Defiance Zoo, baby beaver.
Molly Wizenberg:
This video is one minute long and it's the cutest thing you've ever seen. Oh I accidentally searched for Point Defiance baby muskox.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Oh that's probably cute.
Molly Wizenberg:
It's really cute. Oh my god, look at this baby beaver.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
The baby beaver's name is Butternut.
Molly Wizenberg:
Oh my god, baby beaver Butternut makes her debut. Oh my god.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
It's important that we rank these baby animals. Baby beavers are the cutest.
Molly Wizenberg:
Okay hold on Matthew, I'm sending you right now a picture of Percy. He, in this picture, is wadded up in a sweatshirt, so you can only see his head. But then I'm going to send you a picture of him back when he was at Petco. The other thing I should add is that I had seen him at Petco too like a month earlier.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
But you were lacking in compassion?
Molly Wizenberg:
Well no, I was like, "Oh my god, this guinea pig is in way too small a cage." He looked really low energy. Guinea pigs-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Aw, the picture just came through.
Molly Wizenberg:
You very rare see them sleeping with their eyes closed and he was sleeping with his eyes closed for a very long time. And even when we brought him home he was really lethargic at first. And then now he's a real spitfire.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I would say maybe cuter than a capybara but like maybe third behind stoats and beavers.
Molly Wizenberg:
Yeah, okay, fine. But anyway, look at the second picture. That's him at Petco, look at his crazy mad scientist eyebrows.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Yeah, they're great.
Molly Wizenberg:
Anyway, this is our-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
This is like Eugene Levy.
Molly Wizenberg:
He does look like Eugene Levy. This is our forever guinea pig, Percy. Oh my god, he purrs every time Ash picks him up.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Aw, guinea pigs purr?
Molly Wizenberg:
Yes.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Okay. I wonder if baby beavers purr.
Molly Wizenberg:
They also make like tiny chirping sounds like a video game. They do it constantly when they're feeling content.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Aw, yes, that I have heard. We guinea pig sat for some guinea pigs at one point. The names were Toast and Harvey.
Molly Wizenberg:
Harpy?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Harvey. I muttered, I mumbled. Toast and Harvey. No, no, a harpy is something from Greek myths, right? I'm not sure. Okay.
Molly Wizenberg:
Okay, oh my god-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
But baby harpies are so cute.
Molly Wizenberg:
We're into capybaras now.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Oh capybaras are the best. Look up capybaras like bathing in Japanese hot springs.
Molly Wizenberg:
Okay.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
It's so great.
Molly Wizenberg:
Oh my god, capybara, bath, Japan?
Matthew Amster-Burton:
That's the one. I mean, there are many, but that's one of them.
Molly Wizenberg:
They really look a lot like guinea pigs.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Yeah, but they're huge but they're an animal that manages to be big but also cute.
Molly Wizenberg:
I want to see one in real life.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Yeah, I want to hug one.
Molly Wizenberg:
Oh my god, let's go back to Japan-
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Let's go back to Japan-
Molly Wizenberg:
When all this is over and let's go to the hot springs and watch capybaras bathe.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Let's do it. It's a date. All right, the beef is quashed. You can find us online at spilledmilkpodcast.com and on Reddit at reddit.com/r/everythingspilledmilk. Our producer is Abby Cerquitella. Please rate and review the show if you feel motivated. And until next time, thank you for listening to Spilled Milk, the show that's the epitome of gentility.
Molly Wizenberg:
I'm Molly Wizenberg.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
And I'm Matthew Amster-Burton.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
All right, should we silverware?
Molly Wizenberg:
Let's silverware it up.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
I'm pretty excited for this.
Molly Wizenberg:
I am too, I really enjoy these food adjacent episodes.
Matthew Amster-Burton:
Me too. I'm so sick of food after 464 episodes.
Molly Wizenberg:
But you know what? I'm just getting started with things that are adjacent.