462: Dream Grocery
Molly:
I'm Molly.
Matthew:
And I'm Matthew.
Molly:
And this is Spilled Milk, the show where we cook something delicious, eat it all, and you can't have any.
Matthew:
And this week we're talking about dream supermarket.
Molly:
Yes. Or dream grocery, which I think-
Matthew:
Dream grocery, that's right.
Molly:
I think it's going to be the name of... How many times have we come up with the name for a first album? We're finally going to release an album.
Matthew:
Yes. Okay. Yeah, this is our first album: Dream Grocery.
Molly:
Dream Grocery.
Matthew:
From Spilled Milk. Yeah, the band is Spilled Milk, the album is Dream Grocery. What's the cover going to look like?
Molly:
Oh man, I think that it's going to be that picture I once took of you standing in the Broadway QFC here in Seattle.
Matthew:
Holding a cake.
Molly:
Holding a cake.
Matthew:
Yes.
Molly:
You looked so cute, you looked so wholesome.
Matthew:
That's true. We should link to that picture in the show notes, I think we can do that.
Molly:
Okay.
Matthew:
Yeah, I look really cute.
Molly:
You do. You look adorable.
Matthew:
Oh, one thing before we get started, I wanted to let listeners know; as you know, we're no longer on Facebook but listener Ben created a place to talk about Spilled Milk on Reddit, and that is reddit.com/r/EverythingSpilledMilk.
Matthew:
So you can go there, you can comment on episodes, there's a chat room, you can chat with other Spilled Milk listeners. It seems pretty wholesome so far.
Molly:
Great. Just like you.
Matthew:
Just like me.
Molly:
Yeah.
Matthew:
It's holding up a cake.
Molly:
Perfect.
Matthew:
So the gist of this episode is last time we had this idea of talking about what would our dream grocery store be like.
Molly:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Matthew:
And I think we should go through department by department and I think memory lane is just going to come up naturally along the way.
Molly:
Yeah. Screw memory lane.
Matthew:
Screw memory lane.
Molly:
Let's just get right to it.
Matthew:
Yeah. Let's pave memory lane and put up a parking lot.
Molly:
Nice. Nice. It used to be a parking lot but now it's nothing but flowers.
Matthew:
Oh, I thought you were going to say this used to be my playground.
Molly:
That too. But you know the Talking Heads song: (Nothing But) Flowers.
Matthew:
I do, because you introduced me to it.
Molly:
Great.
Matthew:
Oh no, then I listened to it and I was like, "Okay, I have heard this song."
Molly:
Okay, great. We're going to do a cover of it on our first album, Dream Grocery. So yeah, let's go through department by department, and we should also specify that our dream grocery isn't just about the foods that we carry there, it also-
Matthew:
No, it's about the people.
Molly:
Exactly. It's about the décor, it's about the parking lot. Matthew, you know actually, I know where you're going to begin. Let's begin with the parking lot of your dream grocery, because I think I know what parking lot it's going to be like.
Matthew:
It's not going to have one. Is that what you're thinking?
Molly:
Oh no, I was going to think that it was like the parking lot of Life Grocery.
Matthew:
Oh, that it's a big bicycle parking lot?
Molly:
Yeah. That it's like the parking lot of Life Supermarket in Nakano, Tokyo.
Matthew:
Yeah. My favorite supermarket in the world. My dream grocery is not going to depart a whole lot from Life Supermarket, and that's okay.
Molly:
But we should say that Life Supermarket sits on a street corner and where there would be a small parking lot that in the U.S. would hold four American-sized cars-
Matthew:
Right.
Molly:
In Nakano, this thing is stacked with bicycles.
Matthew:
Stacked.
Molly:
Row upon row of bicycles, and it is a delight. I love it.
Matthew:
Yeah.
Molly:
Okay. Matthew, so let's start at the bakery, shall we?
Matthew:
Okay. One time I went into this suburban supermarket in Tokyo... I'm going to say Tokyo so many times in this episode, everyone's going to hate it.
Molly:
Yeah.
Matthew:
And they had a bakery section and the name of the bakery was Done Brown. I love this name so much, I'm just going to steal it for my supermarket.
Matthew:
And we're going to have supermarket-style stuff, not artisan bakery stuff; big fluffy croissants, puffy white bread that we call French bread, and that sort of thing, but done really well; baked nicely, using good ingredients. You're going to love this stuff.
Molly:
But wait, you wouldn't go all the way to just make a good croissant or a good baguette?
Matthew:
Okay, we'll have one good baguette for when you come in.
Molly:
Oh, God. Jeez! Fuck!
Matthew:
I don't know. It's so tempting in this exercise to want to say, "Okay, we're going to have a counter from my favorite restaurant where you can order off their menu. And we're going to take my favorite bakery and stuff it in there too." I want it to still have a real supermarket kind of vibe to it.
Molly:
Okay. Well, mine's going to have an everything vibe, like an everything bagel.
Matthew:
Okay, that's fine.
Molly:
The floor is going to be paved with sesame and poppy seeds. No, just kidding. No. Thank you for laughing at that.
Matthew:
No, that's pretty funny. Every week I vacuum and I don't enjoy vacuuming but I do enjoy cleaning the dust out of the vacuum after vacuuming, it wraps around this tube inside the vacuum head.
Molly:
Yes.
Matthew:
And you get to pull it off, it's very satisfying. So I'm just imagining what it would be like if I vacuumed up the poppy seed / sesame seed floor of your supermarket.
Molly:
Oh, man. Wow, okay. The mental image there I'm going to leave our listeners with for a little bit. Okay, that was a little bit.
Matthew:
Okay, yeah.
Molly:
Okay.
Matthew:
We just had a moment of silence for the poppy seed and sesame seed floor, R.I.P.
Molly:
Okay. All right, so Matthew, unlike you, I do want a counter from my favorite bakery in the grocery store; because at least in the city where you and I live, some of the best bakeries do not sell their bread anywhere outside the bakery.
Matthew:
That's true.
Molly:
For as much as I love when I am in other cities and countries doing that, I think of as a very European shopping thing, where you go to the butcher and you go to the baker. You've got individual places for each item. When I'm designing an American supermarket, I want it all in one place. All right?
Matthew:
Okay. Yeah. Yeah.
Molly:
I want my favorite bakery, at any given time, to have a little stand in my supermarket. And when that bakery stops being my favorite bakery, I'll just kick them out and bring in another one. But the other thing is, I really want there to be... So my theme is that I want-
Matthew:
I'm sorry, I'm still laughing about how you're going to be the overlord of your supermarket [inaudible 00:06:37], "You must go."
Molly:
Yes.
Matthew:
"You come in."
Molly:
"Pack your bread and go." No, I want my supermarket bakery section to have basically all of the things that I could ever possibly want in a bakery ever.
Matthew:
Okay, I understand.
Molly:
So I want really good Shokupan, and if that means flying it in from Tokyo, well, carbon footprint be damned.
Matthew:
Cool. So [inaudible 00:07:02] your store has a high carbon footprint and is kind of an oppressive work environment because nobody knows when they're going to get kicked out of the store on your whim.
Molly:
Yeah. And at least the floor used to be paved with everything bagel seasoning.
Matthew:
Okay. Can I, for contrast, read a thing that I wrote about my store?
Molly:
Oh, sure.
Matthew:
I said to avoid having my supermarket become Matthew's palace of global pantry cultural appropriation, the buyers and the executive team will be BIPOC with cultural ties to the nations in immigrant communities that the store draws from.
Molly:
Ah.
Matthew:
So that's where I'm coming from.
Molly:
Oh Matthew, way to make me look bad man.
Matthew:
Also, I want to specify that at my store, the workforce will be unionized and employees will be able to put on their favorite playlist to play in the store.
Molly:
Matthew, I feel like we're in some middle school debate thing.
Matthew:
Yes.
Molly:
Where we're practicing selling our company to shareholders or something.
Matthew:
Oh, we're on Shark Tank.
Molly:
We're on Shark Tank.
Matthew:
Okay.
Molly:
Yes, with that thing.
Matthew:
Dragon's Den, as they call it in Europe.
Molly:
Can I finish my bakery section?
Matthew:
Yes.
Molly:
I also want there to be... So when I first moved to Seattle to go to grad school, I lived in this apartment kind of near the Roosevelt Whole Foods, and the Roosevelt Whole Foods at that time sold these chocolate cup cakes that they made on the premises.
Molly:
They were perfectly moist, really chocolatey chocolate cake, and then on top was this thin layer of ganache that kind of partially cracked, partially bent under your teeth.
Matthew:
I know exactly the item you mean. I remember it well.
Molly:
I want those in my bakery, and then I also want those little Japanese rolls that come... It's not a roll but it's an individual bread that comes individually wrapped in plastic. I can buy them at Central Market, Uwajimaya.
Matthew:
Yeah. I know what you mean.
Molly:
Anyway, I want the mocha-flavored one to be there.
Matthew:
Okay. While we're stealing things from Whole Foods, I want the Whole Foods morning roll.
Molly:
Ooh, I haven't had it.
Matthew:
Oh, it's good.
Molly:
Okay.
Matthew:
I don't know if they still make it, probably.
Molly:
Matthew, anything else about the bakery?
Matthew:
No, I think I'm... Oh, there's going to be a Mister Donut stand. All the stuff I said about not bringing in all my favorite stores, I lied. There's going to be a Mister Donut stand, it's going to be just a little tiny stand and they're going to have the Pon de Ring and whatever the current special promotion is, currently I think it's the Tiramisu Whip.
Molly:
Oh, God. I hope you're going to have the sweet potato ones too.
Matthew:
We're going to have the sweet potato ones too. Yeah.
Molly:
[inaudible 00:09:31]
Matthew:
Whatever's on special, we'll have it.
Molly:
Okay. Okay, cool. Okay, so what usually comes next? What about the produce section?
Matthew:
Okay. The produce section, basically it's going to be the same as Life Market, in that you'll be able to get Taiwanese cabbage, Negi (which are Japanese leeks), the thin Asian eggplants, all the stuff that I like to cook with that isn't necessarily available at my local Western supermarket, bean sprouts for making Pad Thai.
Matthew:
And the only difference from Life Supermarket is that not everything will be individually wrapped in plastic.
Molly:
Perfect. That's great.
Matthew:
How about yours?
Molly:
So I actually had Taiwanese cabbage in my produce section as well. I think that-
Matthew:
Taiwanese cabbage is the best vegetable.
Molly:
It is the best vegetable. I don't understand why... For instance, Central Market, which is up a little bit North of where I live in Shoreline, they have much better selection of ingredients from countries in Asia, so they tend to have a lot of ingredients that I can't find at my local supermarket, but even they never have Taiwanese cabbage.
Matthew:
You should talk to the buyer.
Molly:
What is so difficult about this? The other day I was in there and I saw that they had kraut cabbage or whatever, these giant, huge cabbages, bigger cabbages than I've ever seen. And I was like, "I don't know man, how many people do we think are making homemade sauerkraut right now?"
Matthew:
Versus all the great things you can do with one good size Taiwanese cabbage.
Molly:
Yes.
Matthew:
You can make [Zakkushi 00:11:05] style salty cabbage, you can make an Okonomiyaki or a rice yaki, you can make a coleslaw.
Molly:
You can do anything you can do with green cabbage and more.
Matthew:
Yes.
Molly:
Okay. Hold on, I'm not done.
Matthew:
Okay.
Molly:
You know what I hate? I hate it when I go to get some basil to make pesto and all there is is either the living basil plant, that you're-
Matthew:
Or a tiny little clamshell of basil with three leaves in it that costs $2.49.
Molly:
Exactly. I want my grocery store to have big bunches of basil. Okay?
Matthew:
Yes.
Molly:
None of the little tiny clamshell situation. And I want it to always have escarole.
Matthew:
Oh yeah.
Molly:
I love escarole so much. I know that it is a seasonal thing, but at least American supermarkets, most supermarkets around the world I believe have a certain set of things that should be seasonal but are there year-round. Can we add escarole to this set of things?
Matthew:
I think that's a great idea.
Molly:
Okay.
Matthew:
Fruit, anything special about fruit? Quinces?
Molly:
So I got to say, I really love that I can go to PCC here in Seattle, Puget Consumers Co-op.
Matthew:
I think that's right.
Molly:
And that they reliably, in whatever season it is, have a huge array of whatever the fruit that's in season is.
Matthew:
Yeah.
Molly:
So right now-
Matthew:
Quince, right now it's quince.
Molly:
Actually, I don't know they have quince right now Matthew.
Matthew:
Okay.
Molly:
But I get that you're trying to drop quince into this episode.
Matthew:
I'm trying to drop a quince.
Molly:
Do you need-
Matthew:
Do I need a minute to go drop a quince? Is that what you're saying?
Molly:
Yeah. No, let's give a moment of silence for your fallen quince. No, what I was going to say is that I have gone to PCC twice in the past two weeks just to get a wide variety of apples to make apple sauce with right now, because they've got all the heirloom apples that are growing in Washington State right now. And that is so cool to be able to get in a grocery store.
Matthew:
That is very cool.
Molly:
Okay. Yeah.
Matthew:
Yeah. All right, mine will have that too.
Molly:
Okay, great. Great. Okay. What about meat?
Matthew:
Okay.
Molly:
What about meat?
Matthew:
I went first on produce, do you want to go first on meat?
Molly:
Yeah. My meat section is pretty small, I'll be honest. Don't even start with me.
Matthew:
Okay.
Molly:
Because I just don't cook that much meat.
Matthew:
Yeah. No, I think it's absolutely okay for this supermarket to be designed purely around your preferences, that's the whole point of the exercise, right?
Molly:
Yeah. So there would always be ground beef, there would always be ground pork, and there would always be Skagit River Ranch sausages.
Matthew:
Yes.
Molly:
The bratwurst in particular and the sweet Italian sausage. Oh, and the breakfast sausage.
Matthew:
Yeah.
Molly:
There'd probably be some pork butt. I personally would like all of these things to be grass-fed, pastured, etc.
Matthew:
Oh, now you're trying to be sustainable.
Molly:
Wow, am I full of contradictions. I am a regular Walt Whitman. Go on.
Matthew:
In mine, okay, we're going to focus on two styles of meat; thin sliced stuff for hot pot. There will be some good quality ground beef, ground pork, but there'll be thin sliced meats for hot pot.
Matthew:
I've been buying, once a week or so, the Uwajimaya's sliced Sukiyaki beef. And sometimes I used it for Sukiyaki but I also use it for Philly cheesesteaks, I put it in stir fries, it's great in Yakisoba, I can always make use of that. And then there'll be tough cuts for braising; beef chuck, pork shoulder, chicken thighs. That's the stuff I like.
Molly:
Man, wow. Okay. God, you cook so much more meat than I do.
Matthew:
I do, yeah.
Molly:
And you make it feel so approachable like, "Why don't I do these things?" But then even when I make your meat recipes at home, I'm still like, "Ugh."
Matthew:
Cooking more meat is not really a goal that should be on anyone's list, so I think you're good.
Molly:
No, no, I know. I know. I think part of what I'm saying here is I'm so tired of my own cooking right now. Oh my God, am I tired of cooking and eating my own food.
Matthew:
Okay. Well, we're going to be getting to the deli section soon.
Molly:
Oh, great. Okay. Wait, let's do seafood. Seafood.
Matthew:
Okay.
Molly:
Okay.
Matthew:
All right.
Molly:
Okay.
Matthew:
Okay.
Molly:
Okay, okay. Okay, you go.
Matthew:
This is the part where maybe this is going to depart most from the American supermarkets that I'm used to which do not have very good seafood sections. So at Life Supermarket, they have a wide variety of sashimi plates available in the seafood section.
Matthew:
And they not only have a freshness date, but they have a freshness time like, "Eat this by 3:00 p.m." We are absolutely going to have that. There's going to be very fresh mackerel because that's my favorite fish, and we're going to have wild gulf shrimp, which is among the most sustainable and most delicious of shrimp.
Molly:
I feel like I don't really... I know that wild shrimp are the way to go, but I never think about gulf as opposed to other wild shrimp. Are there other places we get wild shrimp from on the West Coast to the U.S.?
Matthew:
The reason I say gulf shrimp, it's probably the most bountiful source but also it's close enough that you can fly them in fresh. So the only time you're going to see fresh shrimp in Seattle it's either going to be Alaskan spot prawns or wild gulf shrimp.
Molly:
Okay. Okay. Yeah. I think my local grocery store [inaudible 00:16:41] they had some gulf prawns.
Matthew:
Yeah.
Molly:
Yeah. Okay. I want there to be... I'm right there with you with the shrimp, preferably I'd like the shrimp to be shell on, but I'd like it to be magically already deveined.
Matthew:
That exists.
Molly:
Yeah. No, I know it exists but I need it to be there always for me.
Matthew:
It's like the ones that are sold for peel-and-eat shrimp.
Molly:
Yes. Yes, I get that. Okay. All right, Matthew, the other thing I want, and feel free to make fun of me all you want, but I want-
Matthew:
No, I would never.
Molly:
I want them to have Dungeness crab and I want it to be boiled in properly salted water.
Matthew:
Oh.
Molly:
Seawater. Have you ever had Dungeness crab that somebody has caught and boiled in actual sea water?
Matthew:
I haven't. I've had very little crab in my life. I feel like this is something you need to introduce me to.
Molly:
Okay. Okay. So yeah, just this past summer, we rented the home of a friend on Lummi Island for a couple nights, and got out there and it turned out that the one person I know on Lummi Island, I texted him to say that we were in town, and he was like, "I just caught some crab. Do you want some?" This is a fantasy, right?
Matthew:
Yeah.
Molly:
I drive to his farm, he has a paper bag with two gorgeous, huge Dungeness crab in it that are barely still warm from the pot, okay?
Matthew:
And this guy is going to be at your supermarket and he'll just come over to the counter and he'll hand you a bag.
Molly:
Anyway-
Matthew:
What's his name? Let's give him a...
Molly:
His name is Riley Starks.
Matthew:
Okay.
Molly:
He runs a bed & breakfast on Lummi Island called Nettles Farm.
Matthew:
Oh, I've heard of this.
Molly:
He is a delightful human being and a real advocate for reefnet salmon fishing, which has-
Matthew:
Okay. Yeah.
Molly:
... Been done by tribes along the Salish Sea for a long time. Anyway, but Riley had caught this crab and had cooked it in sea water. And this was, I should say, not the first time I had had crab cooked in seawater.
Matthew:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Molly:
I am going to rub it in.
Matthew:
Thanks for specifying that.
Molly:
No, no, but I used to be married to a man who really got off on things like going out and catching crab, which, let's be clear, I get off on too.
Matthew:
Yeah. Okay, I get it.
Molly:
Now you know all my kinks.
Matthew:
Yeah. Okay.
Molly:
Yeah. Anyway, so yeah-
Matthew:
I'm trying to set aside in my mind names for your supermarket because at the end I think we're going to try name these, and Molly's Crabgasm has to be up there.
Molly:
Anyway. But yeah, it makes such a difference to have super fresh crab and to have it cooked in properly salted water, seawater or water that you've added salt to. Wow, come to Washington State when COVD is over and see for yourself everybody.
Matthew:
Molly will hand you a bag when you get off the plane.
Molly:
Yeah. Go stay at Nettles Farm.
Matthew:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Molly:
I've never stayed there myself but Riley is a lovely human being.
Matthew:
Well, except now he's going to be working at your supermarket as a contractor and you're going to threaten to fire him every day.
Molly:
That's true, that's true. I'm going to be like, "You got to stay. You got to please me and be my favorite or you're out."
Matthew:
You're going to have one of those temperature guns that you're going to point at the crab sack.
Molly:
Yes.
Matthew:
And if it's not still warm, like 110 degrees each time, he's out of there.
Molly:
You know what I was? Matthew, I have to-
Matthew:
What were you?
Molly:
No, hold on. I was going to say that when I went and got the crab from him and I brought it back to the house where we were staying, it was me and Ash and June, and I was like, "Shit, I am going to have to be the one to clean this crab."
Matthew:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Molly:
And this is usually a job that I would want somebody else to take on, but there was nobody else there to do it.
Matthew:
I wouldn't even know how.
Molly:
Well, I looked up-
Matthew:
YouTube, right?
Molly:
A friend of the show's, Becky Selengut's YouTube video-
Matthew:
Of course.
Molly:
... For how to clean a crab, and I did it.
Matthew:
I bet we could link to that in the show notes.
Molly:
God, I did it, it was super empowering, it was super awesome. Three cheers for YouTube for making it possible for us to do things for ourselves and not wait for other people to do them for us.
Matthew:
Yeah. That's awesome. Okay, we are going to link to Becky's crab-cleaning video in the show notes, just look in your podcast player.
Molly:
Maybe Becky will come to my supermarket and do a demonstration every day.
Matthew:
Okay. Great.
Molly:
Yeah. On how to clean crab.
Matthew:
Is your show going to have TV commercials?
Molly:
Probably. But hold on Matthew, we have to get through...
Matthew:
Okay.
Molly:
Let's go to the bulk section.
Matthew:
All right. I like a good bulk section. I want there to be really high quality mixed nuts, or not even necessarily mixed nuts but a mixed nut bar where I can make my own perfect nut mix.
Molly:
Yes. I love that idea.
Matthew:
And I want there to be dried chilies.
Molly:
Oh.
Matthew:
A lot of different varieties, good quality, fresh, freshly dried, and I can just take as many as I want. [crosstalk 00:21:42] pay for them. No, I don't have to pay for them because it's my store.
Molly:
That is brilliant, I love that. Okay, my bulk supermarket is going to have corn nuts in it.
Matthew:
Yeah.
Molly:
I mean my bulk section. I don't know if you've noticed this, this is probably your local store too, but I've noticed both at Ballard Market, which is sort of my neighborhood supermarket, and the local PCC, that they now sell these corn nuts as big as hominy kernels.
Matthew:
Oh, nice.
Molly:
Oh my God, they're so delicious. I first bought them for myself when I was having a bad day and I was like, "I need a snack to have with my glass of wine."
Matthew:
Can the bin be labeled 'Big Ass Corn Nuts'?
Molly:
Yes. Yeah.
Matthew:
Yeah.
Molly:
Sure.
Matthew:
Because I'm thinking on the commercial, when you have a sale, there's going to be a commercial, and I think I want the Megan Thee Stallion song, Cash Shit, to be playing on the commercial and it will not be censored.
Molly:
Perfect. Great. I cannot wait.
Matthew:
Kids are going to be in the living room like, "Did she just say titty fuck in this TV commercial? She did."
Molly:
Okay. So wait, hold on, Matthew-
Matthew:
Actually, no, I think DaBaby says that, never mind.
Molly:
Okay. We've got a lot more supermarkets to get through dude.
Matthew:
Yes, we do.
Molly:
Okay. What would be on your cereal aisle? Anything in particular?
Matthew:
For sure. Okay, cereal takes up a lot of shelf space and I don't imagine this being a really huge store, and so we're going to carry maybe 20 cereals and only my personal favorites so Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Frosted Flakes, Kellogg's Genmai Flakes from Japan.
Molly:
Oh my God, why have I never had those?
Matthew:
Oh, they're so good. They're brown rice flakes, they're great.
Molly:
Dude, you never told me about that.
Matthew:
Next time. Granola, granola designed by and created by Molly, and the S'mores Cereal.
Molly:
Oh my God, okay. What I had was, in addition to all the regular cereals that I enjoy like Frosted Mini-Wheats and Cinnamon Life and Honey Nut Cheerios, Oh my God, got to have Honey Nut Cheerios, we would have the Honey Maid S'mores Cereal and also my own granola, so I don't have to make it myself.
Matthew:
Wow.
Molly:
Yeah.
Matthew:
Yeah, there's some nice overlap between our stores, but they're definitely not exactly the same.
Molly:
No.
Matthew:
Just look at the labor practices.
Molly:
Okay. Matthew, what about snacks? Not exactly the prepared food section, but what snacks could you go in there and grab?
Matthew:
I couldn't think of anything here that would really-
Molly:
Wait.
Matthew:
Yeah.
Molly:
Wait, should we have this overlap with the prepared foods? Because it's all kind of-
Matthew:
Because there would be onigiri, is that what you're thinking?
Molly:
And I'm also thinking of a particular soup I wanted to always have.
Matthew:
I don't think soup is a snack.
Molly:
Fine.
Matthew:
I think it's fine to snack on soup, but I think if someone said, "What's in the snack section at your store?" And you were like, "Soup." They would be like, "Did you hear the question?"
Molly:
Fine, okay. Okay, snacks. Let's just go straight snacks.
Matthew:
When I was thinking about the snack section I was like, "I'm not really sure what I could say to distinguish the snack section from..." I don't have a problem with any supermarket snack section I guess, they have Cool Ranch Doritos, they have peanut M&M'S, I'm good.
Molly:
Okay. Okay.
Matthew:
Oh, they should have Cheeza.
Molly:
Oh, God, yes! Yes.
Matthew:
The super super cheesy cheese crackers from Japan.
Molly:
Yes. Oh my God, that's such a good idea. Okay, I want them to always have... So I never buy this in the supermarket right now because I don't want to spend money on cut up fruit.
Matthew:
Yeah.
Molly:
But I would like there to be some perfectly ripe, really good cut up pineapple.
Matthew:
Oh, yeah.
Molly:
I could really go for that. But I don't want it to be as expensive as cut up pineapple usually is. So this is where my oppressive labor practices are going to come in.
Matthew:
You can also just run it as a loss leader, it's your store.
Molly:
Oh, that's a good point. Okay. I want there to always be some small sizes of cheeses that I like. At your local supermarket in the cheese section, do they have a little basket where they put ends and stuff like that?
Matthew:
Yes, they do.
Molly:
Little pieces of cheese that are $2.
Matthew:
Yeah, I think that's called an end cap.
Molly:
Yeah. That's not an end cap dude.
Matthew:
It's not.
Molly:
Okay. Anyway, I want there to always be cheeses that I like in there, and I want them to even portion up some little cheeses that... I've talked before on the show about the Vermont Creamery Bijou, which is like a [Cotija 00:26:17] style goat cheese.
Molly:
Well, it's $11.99 to buy two of those, as they come packaged in a clamshell. So I want to be able to just buy half of one, wrapped up in that little basket, for two bucks.
Matthew:
Yeah, I like that.
Molly:
Yeah, I really want that. I want there to always be blends of a couple different olives that I like.
Matthew:
Of course.
Molly:
And I also want, of course, for there to be onigiri, and I want there to be Japanese konbini sandwiches, which are also...
Matthew:
Oh, okay.
Molly:
They're not unrelated to things that you would see, I feel like, in some European chains. You see some sandwiches like that in France. You see sandwiches like that in the prep chains in the UK.
Matthew:
Yes, absolutely. Oh, Wife of the Show Laurie likes to talk about one of the most bizarre experiences that I've ever had in my life, I feel like some percentage of listeners will be like, "Yeah, that is weird," and a bunch of other [inaudible 00:27:17] will be like, "That seems normal to me."
Matthew:
I was working in London, England, for a couple of weeks because the company I was working for was based there.
Molly:
Wait, who are you? I've never heard this before.
Matthew:
Yeah, this was when I was living in New York when Wife of the Show Laurie was going to grad school and I was working for this weird internet startup and they were based in London and they would send me over there sometimes."
Molly:
Wow, okay. God, Matthew, wait a minute, what other secrets have you been keeping from me?
Matthew:
Oh, I got some juicy, juicy stuff. I'll tell you off mic.
Molly:
Okay.
Matthew:
When I was there I was working with this guy from New Zealand who was the head of IT and one time I said I was going to, I think it was Pret a Manger, and said, "Can I get you anything?" And he said, "Get me a couple of sandwiches." I said, "What kind?" And he said, "Oh, any kind is fine."
Molly:
What?
Matthew:
To me, that was like-
Molly:
That's crazy. No.
Matthew:
... "What!? How can any kind be fine?"
Molly:
No.
Matthew:
Some sandwiches are better than others. I know it's fine to disagree about which are your favorite sandwiches, but any sandwich is fine?
Molly:
So hold on, is the end of this story that you got to Pret and the sandwiches were just all so attractive and nicely packaged and well-balanced that you believed in his new approach to sandwich choice?
Matthew:
No. I just picked a couple sandwiches and felt weird about it, and he was fine with them.
Molly:
Wow. What a weirdo.
Matthew:
I don't want to call him a weirdo because I think there are a lot of people like that probably.
Molly:
Really?
Matthew:
He can't be the only one.
Molly:
I can't imagine that we have many listeners like that.
Matthew:
No, maybe not listeners to a food show.
Molly:
Yeah. No, I get it. There are a ton of people in the world who wouldn't care which sandwich they get.
Matthew:
When I think about this, this seems like more of a highlight of your personality than a character flaw, because I wish could be the person who could breeze into the sandwich shop and say, "Give me whatever. I'm good."
Molly:
That's true. That's true. Yeah.
Matthew:
"Any kind of sandwich would make me happy."
Molly:
The few parts of my personality that could be classified as easy-going, or the few facets of me that are easy-going, I'm so proud of.
Matthew:
Like what?
Molly:
And in fact, there are so few of them I can't name any of them.
Matthew:
I was like, "I wonder what they are."
Molly:
No. Okay, wait Matthew, hold on, as you noticed and as you remarked to me, when we first traveled to Tokyo together in 2017, I am very easy to travel with.
Matthew:
Yeah, that's true. You're also not, I don't know how to say this in a nice way, but not germophobic.
Molly:
Oh. Yes, that's true, I'm not, no.
Matthew:
And that's why you're an anti-masker. No.
Molly:
No, no I'm not.
Matthew:
Not true. This is not true.
Molly:
No, I am not, Matthew. Oh man, that is a low blow.
Matthew:
I know.
Molly:
Oh, God.
Matthew:
Okay, that is false.
Molly:
Everybody, that is not true. I wear a mask every time I leave my property.
Matthew:
Me too.
Molly:
But let's be clear, my property expands the whole city.
Matthew:
We shared bath water in Japan. In normal times when we record in the studio together, we're always slobbering over the same spoons and stuff.
Molly:
That's true.
Matthew:
That's where you're easy-going I think.
Molly:
That's true. I like that about us Matthew.
Matthew:
Me too.
Molly:
Okay, let's go on.
Matthew:
Oh, okay. In my deli section... We've gotten to the deli section, right?
Molly:
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Matthew:
Okay. We're going to have a salsa bar with really good freshly-made salsa; so roasted tomatillos salsa, Pico de Gallo, maybe made multiple times a day.
Molly:
Whoa, that's awesome.
Matthew:
The cheese and deli meat selection is going to be like DeLaurenti in Seattle but not the prices of DeLaurenti in Seattle.
Molly:
Okay. Okay.
Matthew:
Just really great Italian deli.
Molly:
I think this is going to be your loss leader maybe.
Matthew:
I think it's going to be my loss leader.
Molly:
Okay.
Matthew:
Yeah, we're going to have cheap ass Mortadella.
Molly:
Okay.
Matthew:
And we're going to have bento, so there's going to be a big rice cooker full of hot rice and we'll add hot rice to your bento when you pick it out, like at a bento shop.
Molly:
God, I love this. This is so great. I love it. Oh my God. Okay. Wow.
Matthew:
I feel so good talking about this dream grocery. This is really working for me.
Molly:
This is kind of like the other evening, Ash and June and I, we were getting June into bed and we started talking about where we wanted to travel after COVID-19 is behind us, and we spent 20 minutes talking about an extended multi-stop vacation and what we would eat in each place, and it was so pleasurable.
Matthew:
Oh, yeah.
Molly:
I highly recommend this kind of mind travel.
Matthew:
Yeah. And planning a vacation is usually the best part because nothing ever goes wrong in your planned vacation.
Molly:
Yes, yes. Although what I really like is when you plan the vacation for me, Matthew.
Matthew:
That's true.
Molly:
Yeah.
Matthew:
But I do get grumpy when things don't go as I expected.
Molly:
That's true. Okay fine, but anyway-
Matthew:
But then I get over it.
Molly:
You do.
Matthew:
Because there's a donut or something.
Molly:
Yeah. No, no, there's always a donut. Okay, so Matthew, I feel a little bit torn about whether this belongs in snacks or whether this belongs on the chip aisle, but I want there to always be available large-size bags, and I'm not talking the bags that cost $3 and have two ounces of chips inside.
Matthew:
Yeah.
Molly:
I want there to be share-size bags of my favorite chips always available at my supermarket.
Matthew:
Those used to be called big grab, and I don't think they use the big grab branding anymore, but I like big grab.
Molly:
No, but the big grab is still intended to be for one person.
Matthew:
Yeah.
Molly:
I want the share-size, and that's why I'm confused, that's why I don't know whether to put it in the snack section, because I don't expect that you're going to finish this in one sitting.
Matthew:
Wait, is there a size of chip bag in-between the big grab and the full size?
Molly:
Well, the full size is usually quite small though these days.
Matthew:
Yeah.
Molly:
There's usually the little lunch size, then there was the big grab, which you could find in convenience stores, which was a big single serving.
Matthew:
Yeah. And I think that's now the standard snack size, and it's maybe three ounces, and the regular size is seven ounces I'm guessing.
Molly:
Well, I think kettle chips, for instance, the regular size-
Matthew:
It's less than seven ounces [crosstalk 00:33:39].
Molly:
It is. I think it's five ounces.
Matthew:
Yeah.
Molly:
In my normal grocery store life, I'm forever buying three bags of jalapeno flavored kettle chips.
Matthew:
Okay.
Molly:
Just to get us through the week, because one bag is two and a half servings.
Matthew:
Okay. But are you saying you want bigger bags or smaller bags or the same bags?
Molly:
No.
Matthew:
I'm so confused.
Molly:
I'm sorry Matthew.
Matthew:
Who knew that of all the places in the supermarket that you could end up in the weeds, the chip aisle would be where everything falls apart. And your buyer is standing there with a clipboard like, "What the fuck is going on here? I just want to order some chips."
Molly:
So Matthew, then let's move this out of the snack section. We're going to go to the chip aisle now, because what I want is... The snack-size chips are fine, they're fine, so I want some of those in my snack area, including Cheetos, original crunchy Cheetos, Flamin' Hot Cheetos as well. So on the chip aisle I want there to be the big bags, they're called sharing size.
Matthew:
Okay.
Molly:
Okay. Or party size.
Matthew:
Parties, okay.
Molly:
Party size.
Matthew:
Okay. Now I understand what you mean. I was imagining sharing size meant a king size candy bar where it's really designed for two.
Molly:
No, no. I want there to be big ass bags of all my favorite chips. Some of my favorite chips are Kettle Brand or smaller brands like that, or at least not Frito-Lay giant bags. What am I saying?
Matthew:
I don't know. It turns out chip sizing is more complicated than nuclear physics.
Molly:
No, what I'm trying to say is my grocery store never carries large sizes of the chips that I want.
Matthew:
Okay. So to summarize, the thing that you just took 20,000 words to say is: you want your favorite chips, but in big, big bags.
Molly:
Yes, that's what I want. Great. Okay. Okay. Okay, let's throw a little raft to our listeners and let them know what we are-
Matthew:
Never.
Molly:
We are picking back up where we left off in the dream grocery. Because we're picking up is kind of in the snack, prepared food section, because I want there to be a soup station.
Matthew:
Yeah.
Molly:
Yeah. I really want a soup station, not because I have fond feelings for any of the soups that ever show up in other people's groceries-
Matthew:
I see where you're going.
Molly:
Although my daughter does. Oh my God, she is a total nut for chicken noodle soup from Ballard Market. And the other day we were running some errand and she was hungry and we stopped at PCC and she picked out soup-
Matthew:
That's great.
Molly:
... As the thing to eat when she was hungry.
Matthew:
To eat in the car?
Molly:
Yep, to eat in the car. Yep. We sat in the parking lot, I let her come up into the front screen. Oh, she had her first experience with oyster crackers.
Matthew:
Oh, nice.
Molly:
Yeah. She had chicken and rice soup and it was a little under-salted and she had grabbed a pack of oyster crackers because she was very curious about why they were called oyster crackers. And so I was like, "Oh, drop one in your soup and see how the saltiness improves."
Matthew:
Do I know why they're called oyster crackers?
Molly:
I don't either. Oh God, it seems like we're going to need to do an oyster crackers episode.
Matthew:
I think we should. I like oyster crackers a lot.
Molly:
I love oyster crackers. Okay, but anyway, all this to say I want a soup station in my dream grocery. I want it to have Sopa de Pollo from La Carta De Oaxaca here in Seattle.
Matthew:
Oh, nice.
Molly:
It's a really rich chicken broth with big chunks of zucchini, chayote, carrot, cilantro in it, and big chunks of chicken, and I want that to always be there. And then I think I would also enjoy a good chili. Matthew, what if your chili was in my dream grocery?
Matthew:
Oh, this is a great idea. You're right, because the soup station at a grocery store always seems to me not really better than canned soup.
Molly:
I agree.
Matthew:
It's kind of similar, which is not bad, I eat canned soup all the time, but if it was something a little special, a little elevated, I would go to that store more often.
Molly:
And I think that I would wind up... For some reason, I can't imagine buying a quart of soup at the soup station and taking it home and serving it to my people for dinner.
Matthew:
But if it was-
Molly:
But if it were really good, oh yeah I would. Even though a quart of soup from the soup station is expensive, compare it to delivery from a restaurant, it's nothing.
Matthew:
Yeah. The soups you're talking about I think would have to be quite expensive. But again, it's your store and you can price things any way you want.
Molly:
Maybe this is going to be another loss leader, a loss penultimate. What's the second thing... Loss second place.
Matthew:
Antepenultimate?
Molly:
Loss second place, if it's not a loss leader.
Matthew:
I know [inaudible 00:39:02] place our show.
Molly:
Oh, perfect. Yeah.
Matthew:
Loss Place. Okay. I've been writing down as we go possible names for your grocery store and Loss Place is going to be one of them.
Molly:
Okay. Okay. All right Matthew. Okay.
Matthew:
Have you ever been to, I think it still exists, the Canadian, maybe Western Canadian, supermarket chain called Overwaitea.
Molly:
No. What?
Matthew:
This is real.
Molly:
Who did this?
Matthew:
It's Over W-A-I-T-E-A, and the story is that it descended from a general store where they would give you, if you asked for a pound of tea, they would give you a pound and a half of tea because of their generous spirit. And so it was the 'overweight tea' company, and now it's Overwaitea Supermarket.
Molly:
Oh, I couldn't not love this more.
Matthew:
It's wonderful, yeah.
Molly:
Okay. Matthew, wait a minute, are we ready to leave the soup station and go somewhere else?
Matthew:
I think we're ready to leave. I was thinking I want a [foreign language 00:40:06], a Thai shrimp soup.
Molly:
Oh my God. Does that have coconut milk or no coconut milk?
Matthew:
No, that would be a [foreign language 00:40:16].
Molly:
Okay. All right.
Matthew:
So it's the thinner broth, very sour, and spicy.
Molly:
Oh, yes. Oh my God, I love this.
Matthew:
Oh, you know what? At some Thai restaurants when you get [foreign language 00:40:28] it's served in a serving like a soup tureen that's sort of shaped like a Bundt pan and has a heating element so it stays hot.
Molly:
Oh.
Matthew:
And it's a circular vessel with a hole in the middle. I want a big one of those that you can ladle your soup out of.
Molly:
I love this idea.
Matthew:
Okay.
Molly:
I had not thought of reinventing the hardware of the soup station, but I like what you're doing here.
Matthew:
No, I love reinventing hardware. Wait till you see what I've done with the hammer. Here's a sneak preview: two peens. Silence. Wow.
Molly:
Okay. All right. Matthew, beverages, are we in refrigerated beverages?
Matthew:
I think we're in refrigerated beverages. So the main thing I want that they don't have at my local QFC but do have at Life Supermarket or Uwajimaya is Oi Ocha brand bottled green tea.
Molly:
Ooh.
Matthew:
It's just an unsweetened bottled green tea. It's pretty good but it's the thing I always want to get from a Japanese vending machine or any time I go to Uwajimaya I will buy one of those and drink it.
Molly:
Okay. I want there to be hot beverages in little bottles like in Japanese vending machines.
Matthew:
Oh, nice. Like a royal milk tea, that sort of thing?
Molly:
Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. I want that to always be there, and I also want some pre-batched cocktails. I want it to almost be like a bulk section for pre-batched cocktails, like there are these taps and there are maybe jars or something with lids.
Matthew:
Yeah, this wouldn't be abused in any way.
Molly:
Absolutely not. No, but this is Loss Place.
Matthew:
Yeah, yeah. I know, this is a dream. I had a dream last night... No, I'm not going to share this, not because it's dirty, just because it's boring.
Molly:
I had one of those kinds of dreams when you scream aloud, you yell aloud.
Matthew:
That's what I did last night. I drive my spouse crazy. I do this probably once a month.
Molly:
Yeah. My poor spouse had to wake me up as I was yelling at the top of my lungs.
Matthew:
Do you remember what was happening in the dream? Because in mine, we were late to the airport. That was my fucking stupid... It's not even a problem that we actually have at the moment and I can't even enjoy that.
Molly:
Oh, Matthew. The past week has been... it has been a week of anxiety dreams for me. I had a dream, you are going to love this because you know my mother, I had a dream-
Matthew:
Toni Negroni.
Molly:
That Toni Negroni wanted to... That she had a neighbor or something whose house she thought was really beautiful or really cool, and she knew that they were going to be gone and she wanted me to come with her, and she wanted us to sneak into their house and sleep there.
Matthew:
Oh, this is so great.
Molly:
And we did it, except they came home the next morning before we were out of there. And I sort of intercepted things, and by way of explanation, I wound up throwing my mother, telling a lie but still throwing her under the bus and really basically making her look like an unhinged-
Matthew:
Like a creep who would sneak into someone's house.
Molly:
Exactly, exactly. And I didn't want them to know we had spent the night.
Matthew:
Sure.
Molly:
So I think I said something like, "We saw that a window was open and so we came in to make sure everything was okay."
Matthew:
Wow, good excuse.
Molly:
Right? Okay. But then, Matthew, I was confronted with the problem that in order to fully get us out of the house, I also had to take our two suitcases and a cooler that we had brought with us.
Matthew:
Oh, wow.
Molly:
This was totally going to ruin my whole story, so I was trying to figure out how to get out of the house without anybody seeing the suitcase.
Matthew:
Was this one that you-
Molly:
Or the cooler. Oh my God.
Matthew:
... This one that you were screaming when you woke up?
Molly:
No, no. This I had a few days ago and I woke up and I was super stressed out about it. And then the next night, Matthew, I had another dream involving a cooler.
Matthew:
So wait, are you trying to tell me we should segue to this freezer section?
Molly:
Oh yes, thank you.
Matthew:
Oh wait, I don't know if we've finished with beverages. Also, I think the thing I was yelling when... I think it might have been this morning that I had that dream, I think I woke up yelling something like, "Oh, you got to be kidding me!"
Molly:
Oh my God. When I wake myself or us, screaming or yelling, it's always just an incoherent strangled scream that it's taken me a while to get up the momentum for.
Matthew:
Oh yeah.
Molly:
Yeah.
Matthew:
I know what you mean.
Molly:
Life, it's so funny.
Matthew:
All right, so you want hot cocktails.
Molly:
No, no, no.
Matthew:
You want hot beverages in bottles and cocktails on tap.
Molly:
Yep, that's right. I want both of these things. Oh, and also, there was... So Ash and I, the only really big trip we've taken of our relationship was we went to Greece two years ago, and we were on the island of Milos.
Molly:
And each morning we would go to one of the two bakeries in the town we were in and we would get spanakopita or a little cheese pie or something to take with us to the beach to have for lunch, and we would also get a big bottle of water, and sometimes I would get a bottle of this sweetened ice tea that was in the refrigerator with the water and the sodas and stuff.
Matthew:
Okay.
Molly:
And I don't remember who made it, it was all in Greek. Anyway it was a black tea that, I think, ordinarily I would not like this because it had a faint hint of peach, and I don't like peach flavored things and I don't really like flavored black teas.
Matthew:
Is it possible the bottle just said Snapple but with Greek letters?
Molly:
It was not Snapple. Also because it was much thinner than Snapple.
Matthew:
Okay, I know what you mean.
Molly:
You know how Snapple is kind of... Anyway-
Matthew:
Yep. Viscous. Yeah.
Molly:
Yeah. Okay. This was so delicious. It was the flavor of black tea, a hint of some mysterious fragrant fruit, and a little bit of sweetness. I want that.
Matthew:
Yeah. Okay wait, you know what is going to be in the beverage section of my supermarket? I have two lost bottled beverages that are long gone and I will never taste again and I remember as being the most delicious things ever.
Molly:
Okay.
Matthew:
I can never be prove wrong because they're never coming back. One was Trader Joe's Granny Smith Apple Juice, which was just in the jarred juice aisle, but very, very good. And the other was something I used to get back in New York, that was Snapple French Cherry soda.
Molly:
Ooh.
Matthew:
I don't know what made it French, but it was a cherry soda. It wasn't exactly a wide mouth Snapple bottle, it was more like a soda bottle with a smaller twist-off cap.
Matthew:
But it was always, whenever I found it in a deli or a news stand type of place, it was always just ice cold, and it's just really good cherry soda.
Molly:
Oh, yes.
Matthew:
So we're going to have both of those.
Molly:
I think I'd also like to have a really good drinkable yogurt.
Matthew:
Oh, like a Yop?
Molly:
Yes. A really good one that's not too sweet. There was one-
Matthew:
Yeah. Then not Yop, but I still love Yop.
Molly:
Yes. Yeah, yeah. I want a good drinkable yogurt. Okay.
Matthew:
Okay.
Molly:
Great.
Matthew:
How about alcohol? I feel like we could go down a real rabbit hole here.
Molly:
Oh, dear God. Okay, well, I already walked us down the pre-batched cocktails bulk section. I don't feel strongly about the rest. I want a good selection of French and Italian wines.
Matthew:
Okay.
Molly:
That's not very unusual.
Matthew:
I want a great cider section. And they actually have a lot of great ciders at my local QFS but I want a section of, "These are the real ciders made with real cider apples."
Molly:
Cool.
Matthew:
And focusing on local stuff because there's lots of great ciders made in the North-west. Have we ever done a cider episode? I don't think we have.
Molly:
I don't know.
Matthew:
I would like to do that.
Molly:
Great, let's do it. Okay.
Matthew:
Okay.
Molly:
Oyster crackers and cider, yes.
Matthew:
Oyster crackers and cider, breakfast of champions.
Molly:
Okay Matthew, freezer case.
Matthew:
The freezer case. Why don't you kick us off here?
Molly:
Okay. So here's the deal; my freezer case, again kind of like my produce section, is going to have a lot of the normal things that you find in the freezer case, but it is always going to have a variety of types of ice-cream sandwiches.
Matthew:
Yes.
Molly:
So there's always going to be a good, basic, rectangular ice-cream sandwich with the sort of chocolate, cookie thing that gets soft. You know what I mean.
Matthew:
Yeah.
Molly:
The classic. Okay. Then there's always going to be something like... Well, here on the West Coast you can get Ruby Jewel, those individually packed-
Matthew:
Oh, those are the best.
Molly:
They're so good. So there's always going to be a whole range, high to low, inexpensive to expensive ice-cream sandwiches.
Matthew:
Yes.
Molly:
I also want there to be Safeway Select brand dumplings.
Matthew:
Yep, definitely.
Molly:
Yep. Mm-hmm (affirmative). The pot-stickers, I should clarify. I want there to be my recipe... So I want someone to stock a freezer case with pancakes and waffles already made from my recipes, the recipes that I like. So that I could buy toaster waffles that are the sourdough waffles that I've been making this year.
Matthew:
Well, in fact, it sounds like you're going to be me making those and stocking the freezer case. Customers are going to elbow each other like, "Isn't that the owner of the store, the CEO? Why is she putting waffles into the freezer?" One-by-one unwrapped waffles.
Molly:
Well, it will be because I have slowly fired all my employees with my terrible labor practices.
Matthew:
Or not slowly.
Molly:
Oh yeah, quickly.
Matthew:
Yeah. The first couple of days after your supermarket opens, it's going to be like a well-run machine, a well-oiled machine, and then by day three it's going to be down to a skeleton crew and you're trying to keep the cocktail keg tapped, I don't know how taps work, and the freezer full of waffles.
Molly:
Also, my freezer case will never run out of peas. I don't know if you've had trouble during COVID times being able to find frozen peas-
Matthew:
Ah, finding frozen peas?
Molly:
... But it's been tough.
Matthew:
No, but I feel like all the time, the one frozen vegetable I'm looking for is somehow out of stock, especially frozen Brussels sprouts I really like, and sometimes they're just not there.
Molly:
Yeah. No, I feel you.
Matthew:
But they will be at my store.
Molly:
Yes. Okay, take it away.
Matthew:
My freezer case, when I go to... I've been making, every couple weeks, making a run to Uwajimaya and going straight to the freezer case and just making it pretty much a pure freezer run.
Matthew:
And the reason is they have so many freezer items and some of them are available for delivery and some of them aren't, and some of them are much better than others. So I want my freezer case to focus frozen dumplings, noodles, and savory pancakes, and really only have the best of the best.
Matthew:
So the Sun Noodle frozen ramen noodles, the Safeway Select dumplings, I agree, are fantastic, L&W fluffy pancakes, scallion pancakes. They have these great tamales at Uwajimaya from the Tucson Tamale Company that I've been getting every time, we'll definitely carry those.
Molly:
Okay.
Matthew:
So yeah, just a lot of frozen Asian carbs, top quality stuff.
Molly:
Awesome. Okay. Is there anything else we need to say about our dream grocery? What about décor?
Matthew:
What about décor? Okay, so one thing we haven't talked about is perfectly engineered food products. I feel like I'm going to have a shelf tag at my store that's going to call out perfectly engineered food products as determined by us on Spilled Milk.
Molly:
Oh. Can I steal that idea? I want that too.
Matthew:
Obviously there's going to be a suit of armor in my store, and it's not just going to be a suit of armor that stands there stationary, it's going to be a mascot.
Matthew:
When I was thinking about this I'm like, "I think I want the mascot to be named PEFP," which is Perfectly Engineered Food Product, P-E-F-P, but pronounced PEFP. And it's a suit of armor that walks around and just always is holding out a tray with free samples of some perfectly engineered food product.
Molly:
Matthew, I have an idea.
Matthew:
Yep.
Molly:
So far, I only have one candidate for what I would name your grocery store.
Matthew:
Okay. I have a bunch for yours but I don't remember what most of them were inspired by.
Molly:
Okay. My concept for yours has a whole ad campaign and is now going to include the suit of armor.
Matthew:
Okay. Yeah.
Molly:
So it's called the You've Got to Be Kidding Me store. Okay? Because that's what you screamed in your dream. And this seems random when you see it just on the sign, right? But your store is famous for its ad campaigns, which include you and the suit of armor in conversation.
Matthew:
Oh, I thought you were going to say in bed and one of us sits bolt upright and says, "You've got to be kidding me."
Molly:
Well, that was one of your Valentine's Day ad campaigns.
Matthew:
The idea [inaudible 00:54:09] someone is waking a morning after with someone in a full suit of armor is very funny.
Molly:
So Matthew, this is going to be your Valentine's Day ad campaign I think.
Matthew:
Okay, yeah.
Molly:
Okay? But in general, you're going to be famous for these ads where you and the suit of armor are having a conversation about some sort of food products, and one or the other of you exclaims to the other, "You got to be kidding me!"
Molly:
And the other one thinks like, "What do you men, man? No, I'm being serious." And the one who said, "You've got to be kidding me" is basically saying, "No, no, go to You've Got To Be Kidding Me, they've got that item."
Matthew:
Okay. I like that.
Molly:
Thanks. You're welcome.
Matthew:
I also just like when you wake up next to the suit of armor, you're like, "I don't remember everything that happened last night but I remember there was a lot of clanking and it was great."
Matthew:
Okay, so names I wrote down for your store; Bijou, I don't know where that came from, that was a kind of cheese I think.
Molly:
Oh yes, yes.
Matthew:
Okay.
Molly:
Okay.
Matthew:
Loss Place, we talked about that, The Crab Sack.
Molly:
Okay. Oh yeah, that's right, because I'm going to have Dungeness crab that is perfectly cooked.
Matthew:
In a sack.
Molly:
Yeah, in a sack.
Matthew:
And because you were really focused on the big ass bags of chips, I was thinking the store could be called Molly's Big Ass Deals, but local teens would always be vandalizing the sign to pain over the 'Deals'.
Molly:
Oh, yeah. I'm up for all of these.
Matthew:
Okay, great.
Molly:
Yeah. So I can't wait to direct your first ad campaign.
Matthew:
I can't wait to see this either, the suit of armor.
Molly:
Oh my God, it's going to be great.
Matthew:
You got to be kidding me.
Molly:
Yeah. No, this is going to be great. I remember before we had opened Delancey... So we found the building where Delancey is because our friend Ben used to live half a block from there.
Molly:
So frequently when we were building Delancey and working on it, we would have dinner at Ben's house very late at night after we'd been working on it all day. And Ben is an opera director, and he came up with an idea for a whole ad campaign that involved him and Brandon, and there was a jingle, I'm sorry, I don't remember what the jingle was, but we had a whole imaginary ad campaign for Delancey that involved Brandon and Ben in a prop plane, a two-seater prop plane.
Matthew:
I like it already. Yeah.
Molly:
And they're both wearing caricatures of Italian chef costumes.
Matthew:
Sure. And have handlebar mustaches.
Molly:
It's Brandono and Luigi.
Matthew:
Yeah.
Molly:
Anyway, so I'm here for all your ad campaign needs is what I'm trying to say.
Matthew:
Yeah. No, I'm ready.
Molly:
I've been doing it for years. I have a deep repertoire, as you can see.
Matthew:
I wish we had video skills and could actually do this, but we don't, and so we won't. But if someone out there wants to make an ad for one of our supermarkets, that would be great.
Molly:
Okay.
Matthew:
We can't offer you anything except love.
Molly:
I really hope one of our listeners has a suit of armor, and that they're the ones who make the ad campaign, because I'd really like to see this animatronic suit of armor.
Matthew:
I'm curious now, does one of our listeners have a suit of armor? Either wearable or just statue style. Let us know, [email protected] or let us know on the Reddit, it's reddit.com/r/EverythingSpilledMilk.
Molly:
Great.
Matthew:
All right. You can find us spilledmilkpodcast.com, transcripts of the show are there so you can read all of this. Yeah, that's about it. Our producer is Abby Cerquitella. Rate and review the show if you like, and till next time. Thank you for shopping at Spilled Milk.
Molly:
I'm Molly Wizenberg.
Matthew:
And I'm Animatronic suit of armor. Not going to finish that thought.
Molly:
Anyway.